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“Tele, have you ever pissed and had the piss freeze on the way down so that when you're done pissing you have a large pissicle hanging from your penis?”

~ Excell on Pissicles

What is a Pissicle?[edit]

Basically, a pissicle is an icicle of piss, thus the name. It is also the national symbol of ancient Scandinavia.

How do I find a pissicle?[edit]

Pissicles are very rare, and only in temperatures where polar bears rush into the sauna can they be formed. And to go out and take a piss in such weather isn't an easy feat. Honestly, I'd rather take an empty bottle instead, because the moment you step out, the cold hits like a he-bitch man slap you and causes your Family Heirlooms to start to retract like gophers. To manage to press out fecal fluids before you look like a barbie doll is nearly impossible.

You could go about the easier way and simply go to the most secluded mountains of Scandinavia and hope to find some natives, they'd probably help you make, or even give you a couple of pissicles if you bring them some booze. The stronger the better. Just make sure you don't give them some Stevie Wonder Tonic.

What does a Pissicle look like?[edit]

They come in all shapes and sizes: Curved, straight, split and spherical. Although, the slightly bent cone shape is the most common. The colour intensity depends on the creator's state of dehydration during the making of the pissicle. Usually, it's vibrantly yellow with a hint of brown.

What can I do with a Pissicle?[edit]

Pissicles are solid until they melt. When they melt, well, you get the point. Stuffing a pissicle down the pants of a ninja will cause it to melt. Naturally, the ninja will get all wet in the groin, and not only that, it'll be actual pee, thus making the "it's just water" reply totally ineffective! Stuffing a pissicle down a ninja's pants is clearly the best way to soil a ninja's honour. As a rule, only a hobo would be immune to a pissicle in the pants. If you and a friend have a pissicle each, you can duel with them. This is called pissicle combat. Make sure you do not perform pissicle combat indoors, where pissicles can melt very easily.

What mustn't I do with a Pissicle?[edit]

You must never ever eat a pissicle; the reasons for this should be obvious, and if you insist then you might as well take a scoop of yellow snow to go with it, you Bat Fuck Insane freak.

Special Types of Pissicles and forms of Pissice[edit]

Pisserang: Specially curved symmetrical pissicle, can be tossed with a whip of the hand to cause it to rotate and return to sender, usually covering the sender with piss.

Pissice Armor: Keen yellow armor. Not for the hot-blooded. Literally.

Pissword: A sword-shaped pissicle.

Pissimitar: Arabic style piss-sword. Originally made by the 13th warrior on his journey to ancient Scandinavia where he killed some cave people.

Pissicles In History[edit]

Pissicles have been around as long as winter, although some claim pissice has existed in other forms even earlier. In ancient Scandinavia, pissicles were used as ceremonial tools of combat. Using pisswords, valiant warriors paired off in temperatures so cold, sweaticles formed under their armpits. The warriors sometimes fought with such fervor that their pissice armor melted and the duel was declared a draw. When the natives of ancient Scandinavia discovered there were tons of sticks in the forest, they started using them to fight instead.

The introduction of sticks caused the elders to weep for the young ones. They realized that this new power could only lead to destruction. Some young followed the elders as they sought refuge further north, where not even trees would grow. Those who held firm to the pissicle were called the pissicle clan. Some say ancestors of the original pissicle clan still live in the frozen wilds of northernmost Scandinavia. Even though the stick was favoured as a dueling tool, pissicles were still considered a very spiritual item, and even when the age of Vikings started, a pissicle ritual was held every year on the darkest day of winter. And pissicles were long considered great artifacts. But as the Viking people started to diminish and disappear, their knowledge and wisdom of pissicles were lost, even though commoners continued to think of pissicles as religious artifacts.

Outside of Scandinavia, the only recorded proof of pissicles is from Canada, where native Canadians have been said to have used pissicles, most likely a gift given to them from the Vikings.

The issue of pisserangs have been debated for a long time, since boomerangs come from Australia, and pissicles come from Scandinavia, one wonders how such an object could exist. The simplest explanation is often the correct one, and this is no exception:

Five aboriginal explorers set out from Australia on a little hike, to discover if the world was banana-shaped. They got off course and wound up in Antarctica, where they survived by utilizing the warming powers of piss. One of them was standing guard and, as was their custom, was taking a piss, and when he did so, a pissicle formed. The miracle made him leap with joy, and he ran back to his kin, and they all rejoiced over the pissicle. It was no ordinary pissicle. The harsh winds of Antarctica had curved the beam of piss and then frozen it, forming a perfect boomerang shape. An illustration of this journey was found in a cave somewhere southwest of Ayers Rock.

Pisserangs were allegedly used during the Winter War. The Finns made them during a cold front offensive by Winter. Any information of winter casualties from pissicles are unconfirmed.