From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Pinhead is the world's first S&M Super Star! He started his career on the Internet in 2003's infamous Hellworld. After becoming a millionaire off of his hit cult exploitation films and franchised mcdonald's stores, Pinhead opened up the first Hot Topic to premier his own fashion line.

Early Life and Transformation[edit]

Another piece from Pinhead's cherished collection!

After having seen one hundred people of walmart photos, Elliot Spencer lost faith in humanity. Elliot sought to escape the horrors of modern life by running into the wide open arms of porn. Loads and loads of porn. Having whacked off to everything normal, Elliot's interests quickly turned to leather, bondage, S&M, and pleasure as pain play.

After several embarrassing Craigslist hook ups, Elliot started using peer to peer webcams. One fateful night, having downed several cans of malt liquor, Elliot got some pins out of a pin cushion and earned his dreaded namesake.

Desperately craving ever more deplorable acts of debauchery, Pinhead soon learned of the wonderful world of sex toys. Oh the sights he could show you. He had almost squandered his entire life savings when at last a vagrant offered to show him something he had never seen before; and that's saying something.

Pinhead fallowed the vagrant into the bathroom stall where he was told of all the wonders of the ultimate sex toy, the Lament Configuration. Pinhead promptly offered to pay for this box of dark wonders, but was turned away. The vagrant told him that the box belonged to Pinhead already, that it always had.

Armed with enough lube to shove an elephant through the eye of a needle, Pinhead went to work raising Leviathan. After having made the offering of severed doves heads on purpose and the gallon of urine be happen chance, (hey leaving the porn to go to the bathroom cost time) Pinhead successfully opened the box.

Several strange creatures walked through the dimensional gateway to greet him. They told Pinhead that they could combine pleasure and pain into one experience. At first, Pinhead was confused because he thought that these beings came to coax him into renewing his subscription to But, Pinhead's confusion was soon cleared up when they told him that they could take him to an eternal world, where he would be immortal and live forever.

Pinhead was hesitant of first, but has never looked back.

Later Life[edit]

After having become immortal, Pinhead decided that he needed some swag. In Hell, suffering is the coin of the realm. So, like a Bitcoin Minor out to work, Pinhead opened his first mcdonald's store. The suffering was near endless. People would scream obscenities, throw hissy fits, and buckle to their knees questioning the very meaning of life. This move paid off as a profitable investment for Pinhead. Pinhead was fondly remembered by customers and employee alike. When customers asked, "Are the fries were fresh?" Pinhead would reply, "They'll tear your soul apart!" As the US Dollar lost its value as it was inflated by the Federal Reserve, the employees suffered all the more as they tried in vain to eke out a happy existence working for minimum wage.

Creating a Cult[edit]

Pinhead soon realized that he needed to expand his business. He decided to begin to film his sexual exploits. Sadly, every time Pinhead went to film one of his orgies every participating member but himself would end up dead. Once even Pinhead found himself stuck in a stone pillar. Pinhead soon realized that he had to begin casting pop-culture references rather than Cenobites for his cult. They were far cheaper to manufacture and seemed to create far more suffering in his paying audience. This culminated in the film Hellraiser Revelations, where Pinhead decided to cast a double for himself rather than to even bother to appear.

Founding Hot Topic[edit]

Pinhead would later take his fashion sensibilities and business savvy to new heights. After making his first million dollars with his film company, Pinhead decided to open the first Hot Topic to premier his personal fashion line. Pinhead also created Hot Topic because he too felt the shame of having to buy BDSM gear online only to have to return it when it was not tight enough. Hot Topic would allow like-minded people to shop for their hand cuffs and candy panties along side their spiked belts in the mall like the rest of society.

See Also[edit]