Penally, Wales
Penally is a small, rural, seaside village near Tenby in the county of Pembrokeshire, Wales.
Places to eat and drink[edit]
There are two pubs and one nightclub in Penally, which is not bad for a village the size of a flea's anus. The Cross and The Paddock are lovely drinking establishments (A third, The Crown, closed and is now a boarded-up eyesore) whereas the "Pit of Despair" (locally known as "Jammos") has only tangible benefit: It's open late and they play music so loud you can't hear what the crowd from the local caravan site are drunkly screaming. Also good for paedos, as they let 14-year-olds get drunk.
Penally has a lovely post office which, despite being the size of a child's cupboard, Dave still sort of manages to stock everything you could possibly need if you're old or unable to go somewhere better for some other reason (blind drunk, epicly stoned, no legs...the usual daily problems for a Penally resident). The village Postie was an influence in the creation of the "local shop for local people" in the BBC comedy League of Gentlemen.
Reasons to visit[edit]
- High security. A military base and firing range date back to World War Ein. They are on constant high alert and maximum gun use. The British government have been widely rumored to execute suspected Al-Qaeda and French terrorists/asylum seekers at this "Training Camp".
- No road markings. Throughout the village, there are no road markings and thus no traffic gestapo. Park anywhere you want; no one cares.
Reasons to stay at home[edit]
- Risk of brain spastication. The mobile phone will eventually give everyone cancer, often in the face or tip of the penis, I haven't had any yet but I'll let you know when I die.
- School's out forever. The school is closed and pupils are forced to travel on a Silcox "Scum Bus" over to Tenby to become depressed, disenchanted and baffled with modern life.
History[edit]
Penally is home to Hoyles Mouth Cave, where some neolithic age (that's pre-Jesus to you and me) man/apes made a home, had big poos, and generally hit things with sticks going "oohgabooga". The fine tradition is faithfully preserved by patrons of "The Vortex of Doom" (the aforementioned Jammos).
Future[edit]
Tragically, Penally will soon be bulldozered back to dust and shit to make way for a moon ladder.