Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/October 23

October 23: Dungeons & Dragons Empowerment Day, a day to let go of your guilt and shame for having played D&D as a child (or still), and instead reflect upon how it's changed you for the better.

• 33 CE - Jesus creates D&D, the Romans crucify him for this and buries the game where it is found 1900 years later. Or is that Jumanji?
• 1966 - International Federation of the Friendless is formed by Gary Gygax and other near-do-wells.
• 1969 - While others are busy engaged in the Summer of Love, Gary Gygax and Friends are busy making their own chainmail armour out of plastic plumbing washers.
• 1970 - Dave Arneson creates a scenario involving an adventure through a castle sewer, in quest of the legendary change room of maidens in waiting. He would be later arrested for being a peeping tom. The judge was unmoved by his plea that he was doing important game research.
• 1971 - Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson team up to create The Fantasy Game. Monsters are substituted for maidens, and mountains of loose change for change rooms.
• 1974 - TSR publishes the now-renamed Dungeons & Dragons® game by slapping homemade labels over used cereal boxes. In one year, the entire hand-assembled print run of 1,000 games sells out.
• 1979 - Ozzy Osbourne is chosen as official spokesman, eventually appearing in a commercial where he bites the head off of a basilisk.
• 1984 - You realize with horror that the phrase "Uncursed +1/+1 Dark Dwarven Mithril Battle-Axe of Pooping" no longer sounds completely ridiculous to you.
• 1985 - Everyone starts referring to bottles of water as "Potions of Thirst Obviation" and dictionaries as "Tomes of Acquired Word Definition."
• 2003 - The first woman to play D&D is later discovered to be a shemale. Kidnapping and brainwashing females would later narrow the gender gap.
• 2005 - You catch your wife in bed with another man, but discover she was just earning 50 experience points with a Helmet of Protection +6.
• 2584 - First D&D player in history gets laid thanks to the lucky roll of a natural 20.
• 3000 - Roughly 500 years after the first D&D player got laid his great, great, great, great grandson becomes Supream Dungeon Master of Earth.
• 5000 - A jock plays D&D, a first, and becomes D&D master of the universe and all that is contained inside. The reigning Supream Dungeon Master of the Earth has a hissy.