Nerf gun

“In Soviet Russia, gun nerfs YOU!!”

~ Russian reversal

Origins

The nerf gun was developed by the Nazis late in World War II. This superweapon, arising out of the infamous Berlin Project, was meant to end the War with absolute military supremacy. Behind the project was a coalition of high ranking German physicists, engineers, and weapons developers. Funding was embezzled from existing budgets to avoid any part of the highly secret project coming to light. While the German government claims that the plans for the gun were stolen by Cobra forces on an espionage mission, some say that the German government actually gave the plans for the gun to the Decepticons, but this is only a rumor.

Technical Specifications

While Western(yeehaw! saddle up partner!) scientists are not entirely sure about the internal makeup of the gun, there have been some educated guesses about its capabilities.

Sharpshooter

The original nerf gun developed by the Germans was designated the "Sharpshooter." This gun, made out of the finest of materials, never made it out of the prototype stage due to cost of manufacture. This is very fortunate, as the Sharpshooter is thought to be the most accurate of the nerf guns, as well as having the ability to launch its projectile much farther than later models of the weapon. It only has one weakness that we have discovered, and that is its rate of fire. The weapon must be manually reloaded and cocked each time it is fired. God only knows how many of our brave men and women would suffer if the Sharpshooter had overcome this technical drawback.

Sharpshooter II

The second generation of the Sharpshooter was designated the "Sharpshooter II." It was a typical Soviet two steps backward from the step forward of the original model. The Sharpshooter II was constructed of much lower quality materials, was highly inaccurate compared with the previous model, took longer to reload, and sacrificed range. These drawbacks were necessary in order to mass produce the gun.

Use in Combat

The GI Joe-Transformers War

The Sharpshooter II was utilized first in The GI Joe-Transformers War to great effect. Whole columns of Joes and Autobots were mowed down in the initial barrages. However, due to the long reload time, the weapons were captured and destroyed during the Battle of the Bedroom. Rumors say that the original Sharpshooter was utilized in the backyard, but these are unconfirmed by eyewitnesses.

The gun would not be used again, though some political scientists believe that the threat it posed would lead to the rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Several Nerf guns were used in the great backyard conflict of 2009. A lot of 9 year old kids got shot in the eye in the bloody, 45 minute long conflict.

The Cold War

The nerf gun was never used in military combat during the Cold War, and some speculate that it was never meant to see combat. It's deterrent effect was limited by many factors, not limited to its expense and secrecy.

• The Russians were careful not to let a working model reach Western hands.

This limited the ability to distribute the gun to front-line soldiers.

• Deterrent effects of the Atomic Bomb.

Russian leaders were careful not to spark a war of superweapons which would leave the surface of the world nerfed and nuked. The unnoficial term was "Styrofoam Winter"

• The limited use during The GI Joe-Transformers War was spectacular, but not well documented.

No one knows exactly how much damage these weapons were capable of, but it was clearly limited. The nerf gun lost credibility with the defeat of Cobra in the Battle of the Bedroom. Despite the use of the gun early in the engagement, the Cobra forces were devestated.

World War II

It is a little known fact, that in fact, the Nazis used Nerf Guns. That is a factual fact, confirmed by History Teachers who know their facts. Anyway, its was issued to German Special Operations units, but never saw wide spread usage. German military scientists were about to mass produce, but then the War ended. It was guestimated that only 500 were produced, and a fraction of that number saw combat. The design of the Nerf Gun was stolen from the Nazis by the Soviets after the fall of Berlin, but never achieved the level of power the original German ones had, as the scientists destroyed all the copies, and the Spec Op units also blew them up.

Developments

While the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were engaged in their rise to power, the Russians reinstated the Moscow Project in order to regain their nerf supremacy. The result of this effort was the Wildfire. The Russians claim that this gun can rapidly fire up to 20 projectiles in succession. Knowing their Communist inefficiency, we can speculate that this gun is wildly inaccurate. However, wildly inaccurate guns with high rates of fire have served Russia well in the past. Perhaps this is merely a continuation of that proud tradition.

The Future

The Future of nerf technology seems bound to the Russian's desire to pursue this line of research. We can only hope that in the future their guns will not fall into the hands of terrorist cells which could use the weapons against the West (If they knew West from East).