Louis Spence
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Louis Spence (born 6 April 1969) is the source of almost all fabulousness on Earth. When you see anything even vaguely fabulous there is a 99.82% chance that Louis Spence squatted, clenched and then secreted said thing from betwixt his thighs. Louis Spence is apparently male.[citation needed]
It is thought that Louis Spence invented homosexuality in 1827 after he slipped and fell on an unfortunately positioned plunger while dancing over-energetically to Fergie's "Fergalicious". Elton John once tried to out-fabulous Louis Spence at a charity event for goats with erectile dysfunction but Spence's fabulousness engulfed Elton John but promptly regurgitated him. Elton John died in hospital 4 hours later due to a glitter deficit and a collapsed lung and has since been replaced with a modified toaster wearing a feather boa. No one has noticed yet. Louis Spence is the second most flexible man in the world after the man made of cheese from the Cheese String adverts.
Education and Dance Career[edit]
Throughout his childhood, he brought his talents to numerous musicals such as:
- Cats
- Cats 2: Mr. Mistoffelees' Fun Cupboard
- How to be Fabulous
- A Hearty 6 inches
- and finally, Closer to Heaven
The last of which is almost ironic.
Spence is currently 'employed' by Pineapple Dance Studios who pay him to insert various sizes of pineapples in select orifices for their own viewing pleasure.
Spence has toured with Take That in the rectum and the Spice Girls. The latter of which decided to replace Spence shortly after beginning the tour as they were concerned that his fabulousness would eclipse theirs and possibly even blind their audinces. They replaced him with several dancing Mr. Blobbies wearing erotic underwear who violently molested Ginger Spice backstage. Thus marked the end of the Spice Girls' career.
Religion[edit]
In 2010, Spence founded the religion of Fabulousism after hearing that fabulous rates in Britain were at an all time low. It is customary for followers of Fabulousism to express themselves through dance at least three times a day. Followers of the religion must also sacrifice potatoes or plungers to the God of Fabulousness (Louis Spence)once every full moon. Those who participate in the Macarena are viewed as sinners and must be punished.
Television[edit]
If you've watched British television after 8PM, you've almost certainly witnessed Louis Spence spurting his fabulousness all over your TV. He has starred on over 20 TV shows between 2010 and 2013. Some have hypothesised that Spence is trying to spread his religion of Fabulousism to the masses via a range of late night comedy shows. Sadly, there are only three followers to date; Louis Spence, Simon Cowell and cat called Mr Tibbles who is actually Satan.