La Saps

No, I am not speaking French!

Members of La Sapes dancing, or "bustin' ganstah muves" as they say.

La Saps are a bunch of fashion-conscious gangsters living large in Congo, Brussells, and Paris. The members of this group, often called La Sape, are fiercely devoted to designer clothes. If you live in South London you certainly will have noticed all the African barber shops are open 'til 1 AM or later. They serve La Sap.

Man, its fucking cool.

What is La Sapes about?

Some Saps jamming. Many Saps are musicians as well as clothes horses.

Basically Africa, has been fucked up since the Europeans went home. Mobutu has been raping all the women in Zaire for the hell of it. The Congo has regressed to a barter-based economy so primitive the Alliance of Third World Countries kicked it out because even Bangladesh was ashamed to associate with it.

During this unholy time some teenagers learned how to sew while listening to blues and jazz music. (While sophisticates believe blues and jazz music is for lesbians, it served a crucial purpose in the formation of La Saps.)

The fact is that now days in Paris, Brussels, London and the Congo all SAP members are penniless and have sixteen children but still manage to dress as fashionably as Al Capone or David Bowie. You wonder how they pay for clothes...but it is quite simple! In Paris expensive chic boutiques staffed by nancy-boys get robbed at gun point all the time.

It seems odd to see a SAP walk down the street in Peckham, South London with six dirty children trailing behind him, and yet he is so badass even NASA want to steal his style. The La Sap would let his children chew on corks rather than spend money on them -- not as long as there is a red silk suit jacket he does not own.

Here is a SAP coming out of the drycleaners with some nice clothes. They were not his clothes when he went into the cleaners, but they're his now. And he's cool'.

In the Congo SAPS don't fight or use guns when they are challenged by uncouth ruffians as they stroll through the streets. Instead they dress up in their best clothes -- it is a serious Paris fashion shwodown in Brazzaville. And if a La Sap is wearing the same accessory two weeks in a row he must run for his life.

Fucking weird. If we were Congo gangsters we would just shoot the guy. The noted twat [Bob Geldoff]] said a bullet costs just a penny, so it's probably a better investment!

Notable Saps

Fela Kuti

He was the first SAP he was a spokesperson for African with over 200 hundred repetitive CDs. He was highly political, dressed cool, played afrobeat, and tried to change Africa (probably into Kansas). But in the end he died of AIDS, which caused a cement truck to fall on his head. True story.

Papa Wemba

Papa Wemba was a big rock star in Congo. He was the King of SAPS. It would cost $200 to go to one of his concerts, and if you brought him a fur coat or a John Paul Gaultier hat as a present, maybe, just maybe he would give you a shoutout during the concert.

The punchline is that he got arrested in 2003 in Belgium, as his backing band was actually a front for a people-smuggling operation. Then when he was in jail he discovered Jesus. The Christ was hiding under his mattress trying to look inconspicuous. He was wearing a nice Ralph Lauren leisure suit, which Papa Wemba took.

What a shame.

Aki & Paw-Paw

Two Nigerian midgets and identical twins, Aki and Paw-Paw arent SAPS, but it is really funny to watch their films. They actually try serious roles like orphans, lawyers, international spies, sex gods, or hip-hop wildebeests.

Come to Aki and Paw-Paw's show! They're twice as funny as David "Gat-Tooth" Letterman but only half his size. One day only! Be there or BE NOWHERE!

Westerners may know them from their recent roles in the film Dry Season / Daratt, in which they played identical loaves of bread. For this film they endured temperatures of 180^o Centipede and injections of baker's yeast.

In Closing

So next time a Nigerian offers you a hot internet-based business deal, ask him first for a fashion contest alá SAP.