Kremlin
The Kremlin is the official name of the paradise, or heaven, promised to followers of the Karlrovian creed, a midwestern religion that only recently surpassed cult status. The Church of the KC says clearly in its mission statement that "this Church shall give all believers a chance to reach the boundless paradise of The Kremlin." Eyewitnesses say that The Kremlin is not all that it is promised to be by the religion, but the faithful regard this firsthand evidence as "fabricated," arguing illogically that an eyewitness of The Kremlin would have to be dead, and therefore would not be capable of describing it.
Connections with Traditional Russian Folklore[edit]
In 1336, during the peak of the Midwestern Renaissance, a small band of Midwestern merchants ran into a hurricane off the coast of the Baltic Sea and their small trading vessel was tossed onto the primitive shores of Russia. Although the merchants were never seen again, soon legends began to spread around the area that a group of prophets were wandering the frozen countryside, spreading the word that someday soon, all believers in their foreign faith would be let into a holy place called "The Kremlin." Although the prophets soon died of hypothermia, the legend remained in the local folklore, and eventually it became common belief that this paradise was located in the southern part of the country. Even today, one may occasionally hear news reports delivered from an area superstitiously called "The Kremlin," but by now calling either paradise or the south by this strange title is simply a custom, though a very strong one. The continual usage of this word is illustrated in the lyrics to this common Russian folktune of the 18th century:
Oh, listen to my little baby:
How he cries!
How he cries!
I slap him hard across the face:
Now he reaches The Kremlin before me.
Lalalalala RUSSIAN!!!