Jim Davis
Jim Davis is a cartoonist forged by Hades in the year 1945. His sole purpose: to leech the humor out of the funnies and bring darkness upon all that is hilarious. His means of doing so: an obese orange feline, an autistic dog, and a bachelor who has no business being in a comic strip of any sort. In the future, a blue robot followed by awesome 8-bit music will rid Earth of his evil ways. Until then, we're stuck with Garfield.
Comics other than Garfield[edit]
They sucked. End of section.
Education[edit]
He went to Ball State: we can now see why he went on to author such a homoerotic comic. However, their mascot is a cardinal, thus challenging the Jim Davis Furry Theory. One rebuttal to this challenge is that the actual mascot costume is furry in nature, which would in turn support the theory and thus prolong its existence as the best explanation for why he created "Garfield."
Garfield: A Rather Unfunny Gaze Into the Feline Psyche[edit]
Jim Davis' crown jewel is the pudgy orange cat Garfield. Many speculate about his inspiration, and the most sensible explanation scholars have reached is that he is a poorly closeted furry. Garfield lives with his owner John Arbuckle and a dog named Odie-B. Unfortunately Odie-B (the comic's comedic saving grace) died in the third strip thanks to an O.D. His death brought in Odie the mentally-handicapped mutt, and thus brought on the end of all hope for Garfield. Garfield lives in constant fear due to the fact that John has about as much a chance to score as Rocky Dennis. This lack of poon-tang may very well cause John to turn to his cat's sweet anus for sexual redemption. In fact, many strips show Garfield sleepwalking from his bed to the fridge. What is not apparent on the surface is that Garfield is actually experiencing traumatic rape-filled nightmares, and he is simply trying to escape by whatever means possible. Scholars believe that John has instead resorted to using Odie as a sex toy after extensive research and analysis of their interactions: John always wants to keep a distance from Odie so as to elude any attachment his sexual partner may develop.
Minor characters[edit]
- Nermal
Nermal is an insecure cat that relies on the Garfield's attention for the sole purpose of finding reason not to terminate his shitty life.
- That Pink Cat
Garfield's closest thing to a romantic partner is some pink cat with nothing interesting going for her outside of some oddly large nigger lips.
- The Mice
If the mice serve any purpose, they show how much of a spineless twat Garfield is. Instead of being awesome and tearing the fuckers up, Jim Davis had to make Garfield an ally to the critters.
- Women
Women really do the strips no good outside of making John suck as a character even more (due to his incessant failure). They also give perspective to Jim Davis's misogynistic ideas and beliefs: women don't want to be with someone as chronically unfunny as him, so he suffers the same fate as his poorly-sketched avatar.
Parodies of his "Work"[edit]
Garfield Minus Garfield[edit]
One day, a pretty awesome guy came up with the idea to remove Garfield from "Garfield," thus creating massive lulz. The lulz generated due to the fact that Garfield's removal transformed John from a boring fellow to someone who waxes batshit-insane. Many of these strips feature John talking to himself, and they actually work towards providing the series hope once thought to be lost.
Garfield Minus John Minus Garfield[edit]
The previous change was further enhanced by another funny chap who decided that taking out the two main characters would provide massive lulz. Unfortunately, the results were not as funny as its predecessor, but it still is much funnier than Garfield. In fact, one can find some hilarity when Odie just randomly pops up in one of the strips.
Jim Davis's Reaction to the parodies[edit]
In attempt to save face from being absolutely owned, Davis pretended to embrace the stabs at Garfield (specifically "Garfield Minus Garfield"). He did so by trying to recreate its greatness, but he failed yet again at being even mildly humorous. Reports claim that he ate a gallon of vanilla ice cream while watching "Golden Girls" to ease the pain of failure and its familiarity with him.
Awards[edit]
He received many shiny medals due to the fact that people felt sorry for his inability to perceive humor. However, he has earned one award in his lifetime. He earned the award for "Biggest Douche in the Universe" and held it proudly until someone made the mistake of giving John Edwards attention.