HowTo talk:Get super powers

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More ways to get super powers

For other ways I think there could be Wizards, Space, Dimensional portals and Military experiment.

Space travel is like the gold rush of getting super powers, you don't even need cosmic rays, in some cases just an alien sun's light or setting foot on the soil or breathing the air will make you shoot lasers our your eyes and turn into a new mutant or a long dead alien species. There's a lot of derelict WMD's lying around space as well, some of which crash on earth. Space is like a wildlife refuge or prison for all sorts of god like entities that can give you powers, the most important of which are the original aliens of who have the power of introducing new inter galactic backstory and dealing with world shattering retcons, (Guardians of Oa, Galactus).

Just being an Apache chief can apparently be enough of a reason for getting super powers; or learning Kung Fu, Voodoo or Yoga (Iron Fist, Brother Voodoo, Shaktimaan). In addition it helps to have a doctorate either in archaeology or medicine and to have an artifact if you want to be a Tibetan, Egyptian or Norse wizards, particularly if you weren't born related to those cultures (Strange, Fate, Thor). Conversely you can just be a 10 year old like Billy Batson and happen to know a wizard, that works just as well. Sometimes even if you already have super powers from science, like Forge or Storm you will still interact with your ancestors gods and demons as well. God, or the spirit of the earth can give away superpowers, but only if the person dies in a particularly gruesome manner that makes you forget death is now a revolving door for them. (The Specter, Swamp Thing, Yusuke Urameshi.)

Portals to other dimensions are the easiest and quickest way to get super powers, they can just show up out of nowhere and don't require any understanding. They work equally well as sci-fi as fantasy be it: walking into and out of the afterlife alive; pulling mass and energy out of or into thin air; a fantasy realm too weird to be historically based, but that could use some modern earth people for contrast; or aliens in a budget friendly sci-fi that can't always afford expensive space ships. (Bleach, Pym Particles, Narnia, Alice in Wonderland, Escaflowne, Digimon, Mighty Max, Doctor Who's luckier companions).

Being a military experiment is a popular method for heroes without a no killing rule, unfortunately unless your fighting a popular war like Captain America or dying and in need of experimental medicine like Deadpool, you can't just sign up for it. No, instead, you have be abducted against your will like Wolverine and given new abilities, or else everyone would be getting super powers in exchange for fighting unpopular wars. Although the experiment is easily repeatable being science and all, the multi billion dollar top secret lab will be ruined by an incredibly small enemy attack; or, if there is no actual enemy, than by the labs disgruntled human lab rats escaping. This successfully erases all the lab data from the incident that could be used to recreate or peer review it, leaving the super powered human experiments as unproduced prototypes.

I might need to read some of Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen to see how he gets his various superpowers. Irritable of contents (talk) 20:52, July 23, 2016 (UTC)

Some good ideas here, quite off-the-wall too! So, how to we fit this in to the article? First, we need to keep to the style of the article, which is simple, jolly and informative. Remember that we are writing for an audience. The skill with writing articles is not demonstrating technical knowledge (a good writer one can assume has done the research), but to put ourselves into the head of the reader, who in this case would be generally quite young. We need sharp punchy jokes and to keep it a simple read. The depth of analysis you provide is great for the author(s), as good background knowledge makes the writing convincing (train hard, fight easy if you like). BUT, it will bore the reader who is only here for a chuckle. I state on my user page:

an Uncyclopedia article should be treated as a painting rather than a sketch. It should be researched, layered, admired, caressed and fettled far more than a straight article. EStop is also convinced parodying as an “expert” is funnier and more convincing to the reader than writing cheap generic jokes that work anywhere. He is most satisfied when an article, that has been painstakingly hand-crafted on his potter’s wheel, fired, hand painted and glazed, is described as a funny, easy read.

This is why so many people find it difficult. Many only stay for a short period of time, once they realize the reality of the intellectual challenge. With your ideas above, half the job is done, now we need to make it work for the reader, by getting into the head of our inner 12 year old!  EStop ⚓ 06:22, July 24, 2016 (UTC)

Have added your top paragraph to the article, stripped down a bit of unneeded detail (keeping the detail in my head) and simplified the language for the audience. Note the last line on car parking... this is a cheeky little comedy trick I use a lot. It is funny to occasionally bring the reader right "back down to earth" with a bump too. As HTBFANJS says, keep the reader off balance, so they do not know what to expect next; this is a technique that does that job well and keeps them reading on.  EStop ⚓ 07:02, July 24, 2016 (UTC)

Have a go yourself with another of your paragraphs. Stick to the biggest superheros, Batman, Superman etc. we are a global site, so some of the Marvel characters or more obscure side personalities would not necessarily be known by the reader and the article will just seem like "fan fiction" to them. Important to remember that the subject is just the framework, it is primarily about telling jokes! Please copy-edit my paragraph if you need to, you are a better copy-editor that I am! Also when done, go back to it again later, and again, and again! You will see more jokes in the text each time and it will only get better for the effort!  EStop ⚓ 07:18, July 24, 2016 (UTC)

Doctor of magic

Hahaha! That paragraph was absolutely spot on — better than I could come up with — more of the same please! I'm going to take a run through the whole article and see if anything could be enhanced further. Will also look at your latter ideas, particularly portals.

Shall we explore a caveat paragraph on "false" superpowers (considering your concept of using science)? You don't want to run out of batteries mid-battle!  EStop ⚓ 06:48, July 26, 2016 (UTC)

Thanks, it took me a bit, your comments helped give it more of a focus; space+magic is convoluted and already covered, and I try and avoid long lists of name drops.

By false super powers do you mean like C list Spiderman villains who invented something useful, but not so useful as to protect them from a swat team, like: Mysterio, Shocker, Chameleon or Vulture? A flying suit and perfect holograms, disguises, and animatronics are things you could have easily pitched to Shark Tank.

Batman is even worse though. How exactly does being: in an acid attack (Two Face); congenitally deformed (Penguin); OCD and maybe autism? (Riddler), thinking you're Zeus or having a split personality and being good at ventriloquism count as being super human? Perhaps a PSA about how taking super drugs like Joker Scarecrow Bane or Hour Man is for super losers.

None of the DC western characters like Jonah Hex should count as super heroes either, they can't fly and aren't bullet proof or able to destroy buildings.

Undead superheroes would be a very brief paragraph, Solomon Grundy and Dead Man also do it. Interesting all of these ones are from DC, unless you count Blade.

I'm not sure how exactly to present Super Soldier project, it has the fewest examples. Unexplained portal/teleport has a lot of potential but not many examples from comic books; Adam Strange Martian Manhunter and Sandman do this in DC, and The Maxx in image; but no one in Marvel has The Wizard of Oz/Alice in Wonderland as their origin story; as far as I can tell, that involves leaving New York. Irritable of contents (talk) 23:20, July 26, 2016 (UTC)

The thinking behind "false" superpowers, was exploring the comedy value in warning people to make the effort to get genuine super powers, rather than use technology to give the impression of super ability. The final paragraph has an interesting line that suits are not to be heavy, therefore bullet-proofness must be genetic rather than stitched as it were, or the suit will break a domestic tumble dryer. Enhancing vision and hearing will cause problems when not required and mechanical strength assistance requires expensive grease, a rack of tools and an annual load test by a third party (company accredited to carry out tests and certification).

Mysterio, Shocker, Chameleon, Jonah Hex (good name) and Vulture are probably too in depth as characters for this article as I do not know them. Perhaps I am a good benchmark in that regard, as I'm old, so only know the most famous ones, and so by that thought process, should appeal the widest audience. This is really about super powers, so superheroes are only there to provide examples and comparisons. The beauty of this essay is that it is a general discussion, leaving us freedom to create daft powers of our own in context and not be limited by the superheroes themselves.

What you have discussed above with OCD and autism, is potentially another article altogether: a psychological profile of super heroes. That could be fun if it was kept very much down to earth. The way to tackle it could be to imagine "types of everyday people", even from school. Every class, going back forever, has someone who is useless at sport, or asthmatic and will not shut up about it, or one that cries at everything, is argumentative, spoiled or has tantrums. Exactly the same characters exist in the office too, so everyone can relate to that one way or another. From that point, you can use your imagination to pull their character traits out of proportion, amplify them, then imagine what super hero would fit that mold. That might be a fun one to explore later!

I'll have a play with false superherodom, please dive in yourself and change my text as you see fit too. This is a collaboration and I am not precious about my writing, just keen to get the best laugh. You mention your superb paragraph took time... yes indeed — and it shows. That is the level of care I take too. It is an art, and like a painting, the observer will spend a fraction of the time to see the image, but if it is good, they will also see the effort that has gone into it. If you can keep that kind of focus and care, but most importantly keep the read itself simple, I think you could have real potential. We are not paid by the hour!  EStop ⚓ 18:57, July 28, 2016 (UTC)

Dimensional jumps

Have had a few tweaks to this one. The language read like an advert, which is fine but generally used in the opening paragraph. Remember to read the previous paragraphs and ensure the prose matches the rest of the article (am guilty of that often too). Zeta beams etc. are specialist and lost me immediately. We are not writing for peers or ourselves, but writing for comedy. This is a guide for the "man on the street", not an expert in Marvel so it is important to keep the link with real life. The latter paragraph goes into the matrix and all sorts of other things I don't know and does not discusses super powers. I pulled it in the direction of quantum mechanics (reality) which required a little bit of research, that way the reader is not lost in fan fiction and can relate to it. I also did not go into depth with quantum, just enough to tell jokes and keep the reader interested and amused.  EStop ⚓ 06:28, July 29, 2016 (UTC)

I like what you did. I really couldn't think of a good direction to take it, so I just went with an advert, and that quickly fell apart at the end when I realized I couldn't actually think of any super heroes other than Ant-Man whom received their powers from another dimension. Irritable of contents (talk) 19:46, July 29, 2016 (UTC)

That's cool, so how do you think we should wrap it up? Not so keen on the costume paragraph as it is, like you I am struggling for a direction, when it comes to costumes. What are your thoughts on offering some advice on using super powers that has not been discussed before instead? Words of caution for the new superhero, or risks of having super powers, while in your "normal persona", than might include snoring, or mowing the lawn perhaps? Unless you have more ideas for development...  EStop ⚓ 19:54, July 29, 2016 (UTC)

PS. Did an UnNews on Ant-man ages ago: UnNews:Ant-Man killed in patio accident.  EStop ⚓ 19:57, July 29, 2016 (UTC)

There's always living costumes like Venom, Spawn or Witchblade, they're basically the hallmark of a hyper violent 90's comic (along with having a million pockets on you for guns), and are extra disgusting and deadly. Iron Man also has to worry about his armor becoming sentient fairly regularly as well.

Some advice to new super heroes would be to learn how to sew, design, cut and mend your own clothing like Peter Parker. Also, try to hand dry your super suit so no one see's you use the machine, I mean if you're super strong you're probably better than a machine. Also as proven by the Hulk and Dr. Manhattan from Watchmen, the clothes you were wearing that day of the lab accident will not also get super powers, your a superhero not a saint. The Fantastic Four invented unstable molecules for their blue jump suits; however, I'm not sure why exactly it is that X-Men like Ice-Man doesn't freeze his, or how Kitty Pryde don't turn intangible and move through hers. Can Wonder Woman villain Giganta permanently multiply clothing by making it big; or does an enlarged enlarged ant in fact contain the same amount of calories as a regular one? If your superpowers inadvertently make you naked, you'll likely end up on the run for public indecency in scavenged sweat pants like Hulk.

It's very important to learn to clean up after yourself after a street fight/breaking an entering as well, being a CSI most come in handy for the Flash when he forgets and has to collect his own blood stains the next day for work. Spiderman and the X-Men get cloned a lot, so you should probably carry some industrial strength cleaning supplies with you if you're getting cloned frequently. Irritable of contents (talk) 22:44, July 29, 2016 (UTC)

Great ideas, you should have just put them in the article! I'll do so and leave you to tweak or change as you like.  EStop ⚓ 05:31, July 30, 2016 (UTC)

Changed my mind! I would like you to do it if that is okay, they are your ideas after all and they are funny! Also your paragraph above included light explanation and did not diverge into technical detail, so I understood. Give a bit of explanation like that in any article you are writing too and you keep everyone interested. Not a lot needs to be done to the above to go straight in, a bit of a trim and tweak, that's all :)  EStop ⚓ 05:46, July 30, 2016 (UTC)