HowTo talk:Drive a train

Cajek

Here are the changes:

“ You spend the next ten minutes (amazingly, the train still hasn't crashed!) trying to find out where you are going, and after finding the station, you spend another ten minutes trying to start directing the train. It's shocking that only now do you remember that the train is on tracks, leading to you smacking your head off of the control panel as you realise you have no choice in where the train goes. ”

“ You spend the next ten minutes trying to find out where you are going, and after finding the station, you spend another ten minutes trying to start directing the train. It's shocking that only now do you remember that the train is on tracks. ”

I got rid of those two little parts because they tell the reader what they were already thinking. I hope you agree!   Le Cejak • <Apr 30, 2008 [13:31]>

Yeah, I'll be the first to admit that flows and sounds a lot better. Thankies. –—Hv (talk) 30/04 13:45

Possible quotes for the top

• “Oh no, I do not take trains, you can really smell the stench of the working class on them these days”

~ Oscar Wilde on Trains

• “Yes, First class isn't what it used to be...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Trains

--Sycamore (Talk) 17:19, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

No quotes, no category:british. But that's just my opine-yun.   Le Cejak • <May 03, 2008 [17:42]>

I'm with Cajek here. I just don't use quotes. I hate them. As an aside, I feel this is almost ready now. Thoughts? —– Sir Hv » | Talk | Contribs | KUN | UotM | RotM | VFH | Kidney | 3/05 17:52

It's still way too long. You like describing things, and that's fine, but not in this article. This article should be about YOU driving a TRAIN, not about what color the birdies are outside the window :)   Le Cejak • <May 03, 2008 [17:53]>

Yeah, that's what too many English essays will do to you. Gimme an hour and I'll trim it. —– Sir Hv » | Talk | Contribs | KUN | UotM | RotM | VFH | Kidney | 3/05 18:15

Right, I think I got everything "description-y" outside of the lead nuked, and I like the lead how it is. Reading through it just says what the guy's doing, which is better. —– Sir Hv » | Talk | Contribs | KUN | UotM | RotM | VFH | Kidney | 3/05 19:03

DESCRIPTION first then VERB

I think that your style of writing, where you put the verb in the middle of the sentence, is a drawback. You'll get over it, though.   Le Cejak • <May 05, 2008 [14:17]>

I knew I'd done something like that, thought something sounded a bit weird. Thanks for pointing it out/fixing it. —– Sir Hv » | Talk | Contribs | KUN | UotM | RotM | VFH | Kidney | 5/05 14:19

Take a look at the article Passive voice. It's a primer on what you do all the time. Try active voice with this experimental article. I think you're learning a lot about writing from this!   Le Cejak • <May 13, 2008 [14:00]>

Ah, I get you, so we I need more active voice – so, for example, "Cajek talked to Dr. Skullthumper" rather than "Dr. Skullthumper was talken to by Cajek". Lame example, yeah, but I'm mentally drained between CZOBDG and RE exams. —– Sir Hv » | Talk | Contribs | KUN | UotM | RotM | VFH | Kidney | 15/05 17:25

Yes, exactly!   Le Cejak • <May 15, 2008 [18:19]>

New sections?

You need some new material in this, I think. Maybe a section on how unfit you are to drive a train? A section on how expensive and complicated trains are (just another reason to insult the reader)? A section on how much the article itself knows about trains, and how it isn't paid enough to explain every little detail of a train to you? Just some thoughts.   Le Cejak • <18:57, 30 Aug 2008>

True, true, it does feel kind of stale. I'll try and fit something in, 'bout half hour. –—Hv (talk) 30/08 19:11

I think we just need a better caption for the new image, and we'll be pretty much there. –—Hv (talk) 1/09 12:17

And a black and white image for the first image. You know, just for flow purposes.   Le Cejak • <17:20, 01 Sep 2008>

Forgot 'bout that. Fixed. –—Hv (talk) 1/09 20:38