HowTo:Win a rap battle

If this is your opponent, just give up. He will clown you.

Winning a rap battle is no easy feat. It takes skill, precision and expertise to craft the perfect rap which will destroy your opponent and make them look like a fool.

That is, unless you're the guy on the right, in which case you can just spout any old shit and win. But for those that aren't blue-haired midgets with a horny demon girlfriend, here is a thorough guide on how to win a rap battle.

Preparation

Step 1: Assessing your Opponent

Pick out anything from your opponent that is negative, or can ruin their reputation in any way. This can be something such as their hair, body size or dick length. Be careful not to overly offend, though - this will turn the Wokerati against you, and you will be cancelled.

Step 2: Preparing your Lines

The lines are the meat of the rap - they are what people are going to judge you on. Your lines should carry weight and make your opponent look stupid, or at least inferior to you.

Line structure is important - how the lines are delivered has varying effects. They should at least rhyme with each other, to create a sense of flow, but there are some other things to consider:

• Internal rhyming - These can be used to emphasise certain lines and aspects of your opponent, and sounds pleasing to the ear.
• A common theme - For a verse, pick out one specific thing you want to focus on, and run with it. This makes it easier to cram more details about a certain thing about your opponent, carrying more weight.
• Flow - If the lines flow well, people will be able to understand better and root for you to win.

Step 3: Rehearsing

You must practice your lines in order to succeed - if you don't have lines, how will you win?

Practicing your lines to a beat makes it easier for those lines to stick in your head, and also allows you to practice line delivery.

Step 4: Responding to your Opponent

Like your opponent, you will also have some flaws, whether it be your stupidity, lack of charisma or the fact that you have a chode. You need to be able to respond to your opponent well enough that they understand you know you have flaws, and are unafraid to show them. If you do not respond accordingly, you come across as ignorant and self-absorbent.

Carry-out

Step 1: Assess the Surroundings

Your surroundings matter in a rap battle - variables such as the crowd size, whether people are filming and whether the battle is part of a competition all play a part in how much this rap battle matters.

Step 2: Adapting to the Beat

The likelihood is that the beat playing - if there even is one at all - will be different to the one you practiced with. You need to stay on your toes, and reform the rhythm of your lines to coincide with the new beat.

Unless the beat is identical to the one you practiced with, in which case - great!

Step 3: Styling on your Opponent

Whilst delivering your lines, you could throw in some hand gestures, or full-blown dance moves to style on them. Style appeases the crowd, and makes them more likely to support you.

In doing this, however, you run into the risk of falling over or injuring yourself. This makes you look dumb, and in turn lessens your chances of winning significantly.

Conclusion

Winning in anything is never guaranteed - unless you cheat. But this is not HowTo:Cheat at a rap battle, is it? This is a guide on how to win fairly.

But this will surely up your chances of winning a rap battle, so hopefully fate is not on your side and you lose win!