HowTo:Pull an end-of-the-world prank
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“Hahahahhahahahahahahaha”
An end-of-the-world prank is the worst kind of prank you could possibly pull, yet, however, it is the most satisfying. It is a prank for any future civilizations, that is, in case our own civilization goes extinct one day.
Requirements[edit]
- One sufficiently advanced civilization to observe cosmic bodies and precisely calculate their trajectories
- Said sufficiently advanced civilization, to become extinct
- And another, not-so advanced civilization, to experience the prank
The Prank[edit]
It seems to appear that a very small percentage of the population believes that any 'End of the World Prophecy' is quite possible. To teach them a lesson, we need real prophecy from time to time. So they could go laughing about it all day until we are the last ones laughing. We have this right, because we would already be extinct anyway.
First; with our, oh-so capable, instruments find a doomsday asteroid which is going to hit earth after we are gone. Keep in mind: the bigger, the better. Maybe even a planet with an insane elliptical orbit. In technical terms: anything capable of creating a 'fuck-o-blast'.
Second; create a prophecy material which would last some time. Carve it into some stones, get some funding for some pyramids with the right amount of steps, do a non-decimal calendar system, surround it with insane and stupid myths suitable for feeble minds of the next civilization.
Third; go extinct. Simple.
Outcomes[edit]
The best possible outcome[edit]
The next generation of mutants rise from your ashes, learn to speak, understand patterns, and develop their own culture and technology. One day some loonies will find your predictions and try to warn and educate everyone about them. Predictions are good. So good, in fact, that apart of the population then also become loonies and spread this information around. At some point, everyone knows about the incoming doomsday, yet, no one really believes in it. Movies are made, books are written, kids are burned - it becomes a cultural phenomenon. Then, when the day comes, everyone gathers to celebrate the Nonsense Day, and then they die.
“I told you so!”
The impossible outcome[edit]
The next generation of bipedal humanoids rise from your ashes, learn to speak, understand patterns, and find your stones, pyramids and myths. Their belief systems get formed around your stupid myths, which makes them miserable and apathetic. They know their doomsday day so well, that all their time living on Earth for several thousands of years is spent waiting for The Day to come. Several minutes before it happens, all civilization commit collective suicide, but asteroid just narrowly misses the Earth.
“Die, suckers!”
How to ensure that prank is going to happen[edit]
Asteroids are hard to find. Good enough asteroids don't come flying to Earth just every day, so that complicates the matter. However, the prank can be ensured several ways:
Instead of an asteroid, launch an Atomic bomb into the orbit[edit]
This is our only chance after we are gone, so why settle for some random asteroid? Just launch our complete nuclear arsenal into the huge orbit for a "joke".
Pimp it up[edit]
Since you don't know the exact time when the next civilization is going to form, launch some several thousand Atomic bombs into orbit, and create several thousand calendars!
“Oh come on, so many calendars, how can first one be bad?”
Have your trademark[edit]
For a better effect, plant Atomic bombs under the Moons' surface to explode a few days before the apocalypse happens, into a smiley face.
How it can all go wrong[edit]
Any prank has a probability of going wrong. But when the prank scale is a whole civilization; wrong can go very wrong.
We don't go extinct[edit]
That would be just a bummer. Obviously, the prank is impossible if that happens.
We don't go extinct and forget that it is our prank[edit]
“Don't press the "forget" button!”
Talk about stepping on the rake big time....
At least then, we would only have ourselves to blame.
“I did it!”
Shut up.