HowTo:Become Famous on the Internet

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“Fame, what you get is no tomorrow”

~ David Bowie on Becoming Famous

“The most important part is becoming obese”

~ Random Famous Person on the internet on Becoming Famous

Ever since the dawn of man we have strived towards one overall goal. To be famous. Some people are fine with being famous on a small scale. For instance some people are satisfied with the fame which comes from everyone in their small farming community knowing that they have AIDS. But for those who crave more, technology has provided a greater platform. The internet. Now while becoming an overnight star of the computer screen may look easy, it will take months of hard work and planning. Read on to discover the tools you will need to become famous on the internet.

Step One: Determine What You Will Do To Attain Fame

Now, as any horny teenager watching porn will tell you, people will do a lot of different things to attain money and fame. You must determine what you will do, and then do it. The only hitch is that your camera-man/camera-woman/camera-whore must be filming you while you do it. This means that you will have to invest possibly thousands of dollars in tape for that camera to record you on, so be prepared to sell your home. For the Jewish and practical members of the reading audience though you can use some of the ideas provided on this page (to save money and time).

Some Ideas Of What To Do

George Washington (pictured above) conquered the United States of America, but his fame started on the internet.

1. Impersonate that AOL guy.
2. Redo a famous Monty Python sketch, in German, with only one person.
3. Have sex with another woman. (This one will only work for females)
4. Blow yourself up, and then reassemble yourself, while singing "Rainy Day Women Numbers 12 and 35" really loud.
5. Conquer Canada.
6. Choose something extremely normal and very vocally think it is absolutely fascinating and enlightening

Step Two: Make Video

This step requires a camera

Everyone makes videos in their own way, so its impossible to tell you how to do it. Just make sure that you are comfortable, clothed (unless female), and in possession of video tape. Other than those tips you can do what you want.

When you are done video taping make sure to develop the film. Wal-Mart can develop film in 1 Hour, so that may be a good place to go if you are pressed for time.

Step Three: Review the Tapes

Most novices find this step the hardest. It entails looking through all your tape and finding the stuff that people will find funny. This means knowing who your audience is. In order to get a good idea of whether or not people on the internet will find something funny, you might want to invite all the people on your street (who speak English) to come to your house to watch your tapes. Observe them closely. Even a hint of a smile means that they would email the link to one of their friends. If it takes longer than the people expected to stay, be prepared to chain them to their seats. By the end of the night you should have narrowed it down to one video clip of no more then 2 minutes in length (people have short attention spans).

Step Four: Distribute!

Now all you have to do is start the giant ball of fame rolling. The first place you should start is the internet, since using TV to become famous on the internet doesn't normally work too well. Some common tools are chain mail, pyramid schemes, wikipedia link spamming, and getting an article about your video on Slashdot. Once you have sent out your video to the world all you can do is sit back and enjoy the glory of it all.