HowTo:Be narcissistic
Do you want to love your pathetic self a little more? Or perhaps become a self loving alpha male that gets all the ladies? Or become Kanye West?
Then you've come to the exactly right place! Welcome to the How To:Be narcissistic page of the Howto: series of Uncyclopedia! If you follow my step by step instructions on how to be narcissistic, you too, might be able to master narcissism like me!
Step 1[edit]
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The first step in becoming a beautiful winner narcissist like me, is to completely love yourself FULLY. This means you absolutely have to love each and every characteristic about yourself. No buts or ifs. You are the best. You are the greatest. You rule. If you have trouble loving yourself, here are a few easy, cheap tutorials that you can follow so you can truly love yourself. I do them all the time, and they work for me.
Tutorial #1[edit]
Take naked pictures of yourself. Put it on your bedroom wall. Now as soon as you do this you, like me, will realise how attractive I am. I mean you are.
You'll obviously want to share this with the rest of the world, so the next part of this is to upload these pictures to your facebook profiles, your tumblr accounts, and link them via your twitter and MySpace.
Tutorial #2[edit]
I've just been informed that some people don't have multiple accounts on various social networks. If this is the case, although I find it hard to understand how people could be without them, create them. Ensure you update your relationship status to say that you are married to yourself. If you are proud of yourself doing this, you sir, love yourself.
While you are here ensure that you create your own fan pages as well. In the style of Boone's Farm go onto every site you can and recreate the content of pages to say how truly wonderful you are. Don't forget to target Urban Dictionary, Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia, and create profiles of blogger, blog spot, wordpress. In short, the Internet was created for only one purpose - to show the world how fantastic you are. (While you're there, make sure you like, share, and klout my pages. They're fantastic!)
Step 2[edit]
The second step in becoming like me, is to surround yourself with adoring fans. The more, the better. But don't take any of my fans, for I am, and will always be better than you. To attract fans, here are some more tutorials, for a price, of course.
Tutorial #3[edit]
Become a fashion icon. Always wear sunglasses, and insist on the latest designer brands, regardless of price. Enjoy shopping at the finest boutiques, for they can provide you the top-notch service that fashionistas like us deserve. People will envy our sense of style, and will become instant fans, wowed by your new look. Just don't forget to mention that I wore it first, and whatever you do, don't stoop to shopping in thrift stores. Only losers with no sense of fashion or insufficient lines of credit shop there.
Tutorial #4[edit]
Surround yourself with positive people. Refuse to have anything to do with anyone who says anything negative ever, because negative people bring everybody down. That includes comments on your fashion, your finances, your ideas, your words, your actions, only positive feedback is allowed. Only positive, uncritical people are good enough to be associated with the likes of us.
Tutorial #5[edit]
Real fans are willing to spend money on you. Always charge money for all of your ideas, your photograph, your autograph, and for people to listen to you talk. Trademark your face and patent your very own custom slogan and mission statement. Add value by advertising extensively, and offer some occasional rare free samples as part of your advertising. After all, people like us are valuable commodities, worth much more than simple money. Only losers would turn us down. Speaking of which, where's my money for these tutorials?