HowTo:Be constantly annoying

HowTo This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series. See more HowTos

This article has the gift of telling you how to be constantly annoying towards others. If it fails to explain the finer points of annoyance, then get a felt tip pen and draw cracks on the walls at the local aquarium or paint somebody's house in the middle of the night.

Idea 1

To be constantly annoying in Idea 1, you will need:

• A computer
• Internet connection
• A chatroom/Age of Empires 1 forum
• Links to get a free PS3/Xbox 360
• Awful education

Also useful:

• A mouse

STEPS

Step 1

TIP: Numbers are best

Register a profile in the forum/chatroom with a sex and war related name with lots of numbers. In this case I'll be SxyLegionare945.

Step 2

Go to the chatroom or forum. In this case, I'll use a chatroom.

Step 3

Make sure you have the message 'i found tis link for a fre ps3 an xbo360 and the nxt moning i got em both for fre!!!!1' ready for immediate pasting.

Step 4

Just look at these sick bastards.

Click on the message box and hit ctrl+v and enter. Repeat after me, ctrl+v and enter, ctrl+v and enter.

Step 5

Watch yourself get banned.

Idea 2

To be constantly annoying in Idea 2, you will need:

• To be a cardinal
• The special kind of cardinal who announced the last Popes' death.
• A time machine

Also useful:

• Able to speak Latin

STEPS

Step 1

Use the time machine and go back in time to April the 2nd in 2005. To the Vatican City.

Step 2

You are now in the corridor that goes from the Pope's death bed to the large balcony where people announce things to the large crowd below. Pope John Paul II has just died and you can see the cardinal walking from the Pope's room, this cardinal is about to announce the Pope's death.

Step 3

Do a tai-ko jumping superkick on the back of the cardinal's head. He will be rendered unconsious. Raise your hands over his head and use your special powers to take of his face and put it over yours. This is where the usefulness of being a cardinal comes in.

Step 4

Approach the large crowd outside at the balcony, and cry out: "The Pope is dead... April fools! Actually that was yesterday. He really is dead. Sorry!".

Step 5

Get splattered by rotten tomatoes.

Idea 3

To be constantly annoying in Idea 3, you will need:

-Access to a local Hot Topic

Step 1

Buy a stupid shirt

Step 2

Wear it

Step 3

Get raped by football players

Idea 4

To be constantly annoying in Idea 4, you will need:

• A Girlfriend
• A Computer
• The Net

Also Useful:

• An Unzipped Fly

Step 1

Spend all day, everyday on the net for three or four months

Step 2

Everytime your girlfriend walks past, 'pretend' you are looking up pornograghy and ignore her when she wants you to do something (or her)

Step 3

Get dumped due to your self-absorbed addiction

Idea 5

To be constantly annoying in Idea 5, you will need:

• Have a naturally annoying voice.
• A boat

Step 1

Go fishing.

Step 2

Catch a fish with an odd characteristic.

Step 3

Show up on CNN only to torment millions of viewers.

Idea 6

To be constantly annoying in Idea 6, you will need:

• A finger
• a person to annoy

Step 1

Poke Them

Step 2

As some famous person said, don't stop 'till you've had enough...c'mon.

Idea 7

To be constantly annoying for the REST OF YOUR LIFE, you will need:

• A whistle
• a tracheotomy

Step 1

Jam the whistle into the exposed throat hole. you will emit a squeaking noise FOREVER!!!!!

Note

for a less permanent annoying squeak, use a gerbil or mouse. they will stop squeaking after approximately one week.

Idea 8

To be the most constantly annoying kid at school, you will need to be:

• Attending School
• A loner
• Have a naturally annoying face
• And a voice
• And a personality
• The smallest chode ever ( if possible. )

Step 1

Try and fit in with the popular kids group. This means you sit with them, eat with them, etc.

Step 2

Keep on letting them ignore your statements, but do not realize that they actually hate your guts.

Step 3

When a popular kid makes a joke, instantly kill it with a stupid statement.

Step 4

Talk about retarded video games such as Runescape.

Step 5

Call the popular kids buddies, bros, etc. If you finally get punched in the face, congratulations, you are the most annoying kid at school.