HowTo:Be annoying as hell on Xbox Live

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“It's almost as annoying as all of the bitches misquoting me on this site!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Xbox Live

So, little Johnny, you want to go on and be a big boy now huh? You want to play Halo 3 with the big dogs? You think you're old enough to play with the adults in an M rated game? What was that you said? I wasn't really paying attention, I had to go get a soda. Oh! You said you do want to play on the interwebs with the adults. OK then, first you need to follow the simple guide I have made for little children just your age! What's that Frank? You don't wanna play Halo 3, what about Gears Of War? No, too retarded? AHHHH, you wanna play Call Of Duty. OK!!!!

Step 1[edit]

First of all, Billy...No don't correct me! Your name isn't JOHNNY ANY LONGER! YOU GOT ME, BILLY!! Oh, I'm sorry, Jimmy, that was a little extreme. Anyway back to step one, seeing as you are a small child and are likely to be PWNed instantly this may be the most important step. Somehow you must acquire a seemingly impossibly high jamaican's voice. You want to have a voice so high that when you hear it it feels like nails on a chalkboard and getting punched in the groin repeatedly at the same time. Having this voice will render your opponents useless! Do you understand, Jackie?! You look like you were about to say something there...I suggest you don't, Elizabeth.

Step 2[edit]

Should step 1 have failed due to unforeseen circumstances, i.e. the mute button or opponent's lack of a headset. There are other options to annoy beat your opponents into submission. One is to begin to touch yourself VERY loudly in the pregame lobby while thinking about how you're going to PWN the other team in just about every facet of the game. Personal thoughts about your opponent's mothers is highly recommended. Once you have planted the seed of doubt into their heads they may begin to wonder "What if my mom IS a caveman/whore/male/pedophile/Richard Simmons?" Now that you have them psychologically beat, in game defeat should follow quickly.

Step 3[edit]

Talk as much shit as possible about winning and easily defeating someone, then get PWNED and bitch that they cheated or something. To make it more effective, make sure your volume is on maximum so if your screaming doesn't deafen them, the static will. Speaking in a language people don't understand is also a good way to annoy distract your enemies, so they are too busy thinking "What the fuck is this kid saying?" instead of trying to kill you.

Step 4[edit]

Have a very masculine name or gamertag, then sound like a fucking chipmunk. Use 5 numbers so when your team mate needs reviving you can listen to him attempt to say your twisted number name. If you're having trouble thinking of a name because Sephiroth was already taken, why not try slamming on your keyboard or joypad and let the magic pick a name for you?

Your typical Xbox Live player.

Step 5[edit]

Once in the game you should probably follow these simple steps in order to maximize annoying winning potential.

1. Should someone on the the other team die, immediately teabag them, regardless of whether you got the kill. You'll want to keep that teabagging going for at least a good twenty seconds,but if you're feeling very special you can go for a thirty second teabag. This will undoubtedly annoy your team too! So, really after this you shouldn't even need to read the rest.

2. Say you are playing Capture The Flag, a good strategy is to grab the enemy flag, and then take it somewhere obscure, preferably where no one can get to you and you can't get out. Doing this will not only piss of your team, but also the other team because they will worry about finding their flag!

3. Play music really, really loud into the headset mic; preferably, either super speed metal or little kids' music. Buy a Barney singalong CD. An alternative to this is of course going on YouTube to rickroll yourself and using the mic to share the glory

4. Camp as absolutely much as possible, this shows others that you must be good, because you can sit in corners and wait for people to walk by!!

5. Brag about being a level 10 Prestige. Having really high Prestige shows others that you are good and should make others jealous.

6. On Call of Duty 4 and Modern Warfare 2, use the M16 as much as possible, as everybody should know, it takes so much skill to use an M16.

7. On Call of Duty WaW, use the MP40 just like the M16, because a gun that kills in 2 shots is completely NOT Nooby, AT ALL!! After all, the MP40 is basically Jesus in a gun, awesome!!!

8. Act like you are really tough, because somehow, if you do this, people 2000 miles away are going to be scared of you

9. Snipe as much as possible, because sitting in corners with one-shot kill rifles, usually with Juggernaut and mines placed everywhere takes a very large amount of skill

10. Camp at spawn points to get massive amounts of kill before enemies even know what's going on.


Try having a name spelled entirely with 1337 speak. Everybody loves that.

11. T-Bag everyone who dies around you. They won't know what you're thinking.

12. Quickscope as much as possible, after all, quickscoping is for pros, by just camping and lookin down sights real fast and shooting

12a. Cry like a little bitch when you get quickscoped despite you doing it.

13. If you are playing Modern Warfare 2, use One Man Army with a Grenade Launcher, I mean, that shit's cool and full of epic WIN


So... in conclusion that is pretty much how you annoy win in Xbox Live. Now go to fucking bed and let the adults fucking play. It's past your bedtime, and your mother won't be happy if she catches you up at 7pm when you were supposed to go to bed at 6:30pm! You don't want to upset mommy and accidentally fall down the stairs again do you? DO YOU?! No wait, Rudolph, come back! I didn't mean to scare you...