Greg Mankiw
“Oh yeah, well...my blog has way better twerking gifs!”
Nicholas Gregory Mankiw IX is a macro-economist and a total nerd. He is one of the most cited economists in the world and his blog is, like, totes popular. He is the author of widely published Economics textbooks which thousands of students have skimmed over. His professional career has been tremendously successful despite his considerable social awkwardness.
Education[edit]
Mankiw was born as a 21 year old with a Bachelor of Arts in Economics from Princeton University. Despite his natural knowledge of economics, he was unsure if he wanted to make a career out of it, so he tried his hand at a number of subjects, including law (at Harvard) and philosophy (at MIT). He was crap at both, as he was commonly asked the question "How exactly did you get in here?". He decided to stick with econ and finally admitted to himself that the dismal aspect to the “science” suited his personality.
New Keynesian Economics[edit]
Mankiw belongs to the macro-economic school called New Keynesianism. New Keynesianism is just like Old Keynesianism except it lacks the homoerotic infatuation with Ludwig Wittgenstein. The Keynesians hold that people are kinda stupid and because of this if the government takes a lassie faire approach during economic downturns, “shit gonna hit the fan”(General Theory 23).
Mankiw made important contributions towards establishing the theoretical micro-foundations for the New Keynesian macro-models. For example, Mankiw has defended the significance of what is known as “the Hot Bimbo Effect” on wage stickiness. The Hot Bimbo Effect stems from the fact that virtually every firm has a hot, yet vacuous secretary that the employer wants to bang. When the money supply is decreased, thus increasing the value of a dollar, employers are reluctant to cut wages from fear of getting pussy-whipped by their “love-interest”s, who are too bimbo to see through the money illusion. Because labor-costs in effect grow higher, workers are instead laid off (except the secretary). Because of Mankiw’s work, this insight has now been widely accepted by the New Keynesians as key to understanding the prevalence of involuntary unemployment and the strong effect of monetary policy on the macro-economy.
Politics[edit]
Like his gender identity, Mankiw's political identity is confused. Mankiw supports eco-taxes, gay marriage, and Keynesian prescriptions for recessions, yet identifies as a conservative. Some give Mankiw the benefit of the doubt and claim that the reason Mankiw identifies as a conservative is not because he's confused, but simply because he's afraid of black people. Though this seems plausible, it's unlikely considering the secret illegitimate child he fathered with Niall Ferguson's wife.
In line with his conservative identity, he worked on behalf of Republicans on a couple of occasions. As an adviser to George W. Bush, Mankiw fostered his child rearing skills as he learned how to dumb down advice so that a toddler could understand. The relationship turned sour when Bush blamed Mankiw for the WMD debacle. Mannkiw politely informed Bush that he gave economic advice, not advice on foreign intelligence. This made Dubya mad and Mankiw was soon fired. In 2012, Mankiw served as economic adviser to Mitt Romney's campaign. With Mankiw's expertise, Romney went on to lose in a blowout.
The Great Walkout[edit]
On November 2, 2011, 10,000 students walked out on his Eco-101 class in spirit of the Occupy Wall Street movement. In the protesters' manifesto, which they posted on tumblr, they declared: (In the voice of Bane from Dark Night Rises)
“As students of ECO-101, Nicholas Gregory Mankiw has been held up to us as a SHINING EXAMPLE of economic expertise. We know, however, that Prof. Mankiw is in fact a puppet of the capitalist superstructure, as what he attempts to pass on as "the consensus on the Principles of Economics" is nothing but the self-serving ideology of the capitalists! The RICH!
We have been presented with a false paradigm; myths of opportunity to keep us down and to prevent us from tearing down the CORRUPT and giving power back to its rightful owners…the people.
Viva Marx! Viva Krugman! Viva la Revolution!”
After Mankiw left the building in which he gave his lecture, "the people" captured Mankiw and placed him in a guillotine, ready to serve revolutionary justice. Fortunately for him, Batman saved him and kicked the revolutionaries' arses. It was an easy victory because it turned out only five students were serious about the movement, while the rest just wanted an excuse to skip class and smoke pot.
It has been confirmed that the incident was by far the most exciting thing to ever happen to Mankiw and was one of the few times he ever felt alive.