Grape drink
Grape Drink, long considered "The drink of the Gods," is a beverage mortal men find too expensive. Known throughout approximately 5,000 years of recorded history, not a single person has drunk a single drop, as a molecule of Grape Drink is approximately equal in value to seventeen planets. And not the sucky ones like Earth; real planets, like Jupiter, or France.
History
Grape Drink was discovered when Americo Vespuccio accidentally dropped a grape into his drink. Until this point, grape and drink were largely considered explosively incompatible by the scientific community, or at least not very tasty. However it is likely Americo would have debunked the misconception of its explosive properties, were he not instantly mauled to death by insane crowds of people trying to gain a small portion of the ultra valuable beverage.
The ingredients in Grape Drink are: sugar, water, and, of course, purple.
Possible side-effects
Science tells us that grape drink flows through black people's veins. The grape drink that makes up 56% of their bodily fluids is what gives them the ability to run, jump, kick, punch, front flip, back flip, tackle, juke, and slam-dunk. Overdoses of grape drink can cause temporary blackness.
Do not try to go about your daily routine while under the influence of Grape Drink. You may find yourself stealing, killing, and eating watermelon without knowledge of your actions. If you must consume grape drink, please do so under the supervision of parents, doctors, or really fucking high people. Never consume grape drink alone. The consumption of grape drink unsupervised may lead to the growth of cotton from the very depths of your soul — very painful, but at the same time helpful to our economy. If cotton growth does occur, do not try to throw yourself into a cotton gin to gather the cotton; this will lead to loss of cotton and less importantly, death. For more information, please consult your doctor. If he tells you no, go smoke some weed, then ask again. You always hear the right answer when you're high. If you remember nothing from this information remember at least this. Weed + grape drink = a ride on the pleasure train, next stop: Candy Cane Mountain.
How valuable is it?
Extremely. If you one day you look down and find yourself to be consuming Grape Drink, it is highly probable that you're either one of the Major Jesoi, or within a few nanoseconds time you'll be ripped apart by greedy hobos. Be aware the nigra-Americans really like grape drink, to them it is almost as valuable as fried chicken or watermelon, not to be confused with grape juice.
If you are calling Grape Drink "grape juice", the Seven Deadly Sins will fly down at you and melt your face off with their grapey diabolic guitar solos.
Manufacturing grape drink at home
It is commonly believed that Grape Drink can be easily manufactured at home simply by mixing grape and drink together very much in the same manner as Amerigo Vespucci did all those minutes ago. However the problem is not so simply resolved. There are many snags that can easily be encountered by amateurs attempting to produce their own Grape Drink.
- Eating the grape: a commonly made mistake as grapes are tasty and we like to eat them.
- Drinking the drink: another common mistake as drinks are drinkable and we kick their asses.
- Adding the drink into the grape rather than vice versa: this results in drinkable grapes rather than grapeable drinks which is just plain stupid.
- Not writing a will: Those angry hobos will slaughter you and attempt to take the grape drink for themselves, only to be mowed down in turn by additional hobos in a vicious cycle ending only when the grape drink has finally been destroyed in the chaos. A will will ensure your lawyers get a good laugh to entertain them as they work hard to falsify documents bequeathing all your assets to them.