Friday night dinner

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“I thought about going to one of those Friday night things, but Winston Churchill was going to be there so I decided I wouldn't go.”

~ Oscar Wilde

In the age of the Jew, sometime around Jewn, (June, if you can't speak Jewish,) the Jews created the idea of the Friday night dinner, this was accepted across the whole faith as a good way to get rid of those extra chickens that were lying about.

The concept of Friday night dinner

Friday night dinner has also been known to be served on a human.

Well it's your basic family get together, your mother ranting at you for misplacing the sacred lamb, while your dad prays to a god you don't believe in, in a language you don't understand. The whole family sits around one small table since most Jews are too tight with money to buy a bigger one, I should know I am one, and discuss those things that have been bothering us over the past week; The state of the country, What's in the news, Pork, Jesus and sometimes Hitler.

The Religious Bit

So okay there is supposed to be a point to all this merry making, but what is it you ask?
The answer lies deep in the heart of the Jewish religion buried under thousands of square miles of sand somewhere in a desert. Therefore you will never know.

I will however tell you that there is an ancient law saying that at every Jewish festival the Jews must feast at some point. As a result of this we have decided that a good weekly festival would be a great excuse to have a nice big meal and develop your beloved paunches.

So was born this great tradition, the day of rest as it is called, symbolizing how god, in his divine wisdom decided to rush and create everything in six days so he would have a full day to rest and laze around, what he has been doing since is beyond me!!!

One may consider that had he spent an extra day working on the planet there would be far fewer problems today, and many, many, more chickens.

Food

Right this is a brief rundown of all the food that we eat at a Friday night dinner

The starter

Chicken soup

As a starter we drink bowls of water that we boil a chicken in for a couple of days before hand so that the water gets some kind of chicken flavors, we have affectionately named this dish, chicken soup.

Matzo balls

The creature that these balls have come from seriously eludes me, they seem to be quite big and come in two varieties, hard and soft. The harder variety takes sometime to break in to but when you do boy are they worth it. Note: Nice in chicken soup.

Lokschen

These seem to be noodles, or vermicelli if you are Italian and/or know your pastas. Note: Not to be confused with Rastas. Note Note: Also good in soup.

The main course

Yeah thats right us Jews love killing these things and eating them with our sauces.

The chicken

Often cooked and usually with accompaniment. We Jews love our cooked chicken. It can be in sauce or just dripping in its juices, either way it's a good meal for me.

Potatoes

These can be baked or roasted, both are good ideas, sometimes both at the same time however this may instead be replaced with the next thing on the menu.

Potato cuggle

Pronounced either cu-ggle or coo-ggle, both ways are acceptable. Cuggle I am told is some kind of way of serving, usually baked and in cake form, it is quite a sight. Note: Better with drippings from the chicken.

Other vegetable: Not really that important

Lovely bit of squirrel

Dessert

Usually this is fruit, cake, or cookies baked by your grandma, it seems to be traditional to then rest with everyone around the table with distended stomachs, usually talking about the finer things in life; Money, gossip, money, saving money, and more gossip

Why the Jews love their Friday night dinners

1. They taste nice, we have a long line of great chefs in the religion, we fly them in.
2. It's a great way to "earn" your inheritance.
3. You can always laugh at the elderly relatives for not being as modern as you are.
4. There might just be a god and therefore it is a good idea to get in his good books just in case.
5. Some relatives might actually have interesting things to say.
6. We love our cooked chicken
7. Free food, a combination of two of the Jews favorite words.
8. An excuse for all those Jews with no social lives to be 'busy' this Friday night

This article may contain one or more inaccuracies or does not cite all of its sources. The author(s) must promptly be executed. Uncyclopedia contains no inaccuracies. This template may also be inaccurate.

See also

• Jews
• Jewish people
• The Halocaust
• Jesus
• Friday Night Smackdown!
• Neo Jews
• Religion

.: WARNING :.

WARNING! "Friday night dinner" is considered a sacred phrase by the followers of the Jewish faith. In order to prevent the domination of your country by the Israeli military, please refrain from saying them in public. The Palestinians already found this out.