Free Downloads!!
HEY DO YOU NOT WANT TO NOT NOT INCREASE RAM ON YOUR COMPUTER??? ARE YOU RUNNING OUT OF HARD DRIVE SPACE?? THEN YOU WILL LOVE[1] FREE* DOWNLOADS!!
It's so easy you don't even have to think! In fact, don't think! Just CLICK!
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Jeez, computer screen, how do I get my grubby little grabbers on them FREE DOWNLOADS??[edit]
Quit your jibber jabber, close your iTunes, and listen to this rap!
All you gotsa do is:
- Download
- Don't pay a cent[2]
- Enjoy your FREE DOWNLOAD!!
Isn't There More To It?[edit]
Well, I'm glad you asked! There IS more to it, but it's as easy as 1, 2, 3![3]
- Register with the FREE* DOWNLOADS software
- Download you FREE* MEMORY!![4]
- Tell 4[5] of your closest friends
- PROFIT!!!
These people are your new friends![edit]
Don't believe us? Sounds too good to be true? It is too good to be true! FREE* MOTHERFUCKING[6] DOWNLOADS!
But here to make you believe us anyways is an ordinary guy just like you!
“I was out of luck. My family wouldn't pay for my rent anymore, my car was repossessed, and I had nowhere to go. Then I heard about these FREE* DOWNLOADS. I got as many as I could carry and hustled down to the bank. I got instant cash! You too can have instant cash with FREE* DOWNLOADS! Oh god...why am I doing this? Will you please just feed me now? I have no money left...”
Non-important stuff that has nothing to do with your FREE* DOWNLOAD[edit]
- ↑
VictimsDownloaders may or may not retain the ability to feel love, or other human emotion after downloading free downloads. - ↑ Downloaders may or may not find themselves paying many many cents.
- ↑ 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and possibly 9
- ↑ "Memory" in this case refers to a potpourri of viruses which will nestle themselves into your computer's firmware
- ↑ thousand
- ↑ These downloads will not have sex with your mother
STILL Not Signing Up? Read Testimonials From Our Past Customers![edit]
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Sharona Mae Jackson, Whispering Pines Trailer Park
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D-Mac Gomez, Pleasant Summit Suburbs