Fredric Wertham

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Dr. Fredric Wertham--he's even creepier in person.

Fredric Wormtail Wertham (197 B.C. - 1981 A.D.) was a conservative, literati, super villain, psychiatrist from the 50's, who nearly destroyed all comic books by calling them gay. By extension this would have also killed off all the super heroes, since they cannot be sustained on shoddy movie adaptations, or short lived TV serials. By banning the words terror and zombie, he effectively ended the war on terra decades before it began and prevented the return of any undying abominations like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Seduction of the Innocent[edit]

One day in his otherwise mundane career, Wertham wrote a book called Seduction of the Innocent, which described how he as a pedophile seduced innocent young children. First, he would weaken "super boys" with his "kryptonite". Once in his house he would put into effect an "injury to the eye" motif which would prevent the children's escape. After blinding the kids he would play bizarre role playing games where he dressed the boys as Robin and himself as Batman and....well, need I explain? As for the girls they would be placed in bondage games and forced to grope each other like lesbians, while being dressed as Wonder Woman. Fredric Wertham also had the habit of making dirty sketches where he would hide vagina drawings within muscle shadings and tree bark; while simultaneously somehow missing the incredibly detailed shading on Virgin of Guadalupe's pelvis.

Comic Book Genocide[edit]

When Seduction of the Innocent was published, the tame parents of the 1950's were instantly shocked and outraged. Hundreds of them ganged up around Wertham's house with murder on the mind. Thinking quickly, Wertham used hypnotism, drugs, and mob mentality to trick the parents into thinking that comic books were the true culprit. And so the angry mobs stole thousands of comics, burning them in the street.

Delighted with his newfound sense of power, Wertham went on to build numerous prison camps where comic books would be starved, gassed, and worked to death. Wertahm would've been convicted of cruel inhuman crimes, were it not for the fact that comic books are inanimate objects and not living beings.


The horrors that Wertham made possible.

Keen on surviving, the non suicidal comic authors and artists had to make changes. From then on, scenes of gore, sex, drugs, kitten huffing, and black people were removed, all of which used to be commonplace except for the latter. The wicked tyranny known as Comic Censorship had been established, with only the tamest, lamest stories seeing the light of day. As a result, everyone over the age of six lost interest, and comic book sales declined by 5,627.4%. As a warning to other comic book creators, Dr. William Moulton Marston was administered a lethal injection of polio for his crimes against humanity.


But all bad things must come to an end,and times changed for the comic industry. With the 60's came the civil rights movement for African Americans, and Black super heroes began to appear. With blacks being in comics, countless authors and artists correctly assumed that it was safe to put the other stuff back in, leading to the slasher orgy utopia that the comic book industry is today.

Missing the attention, Wertham tried to repeat his stunt with television, calling his new campaign The War on Children. But luckily, the hordes of parents had recovered from their brain washing, and derailed Wertham's insidious efforts. Alone and forgotten, Wertham spent his last pitiful days in a prison for old people to cork off. Wertham died at the age of 2,178 when he fell down 19 flights of stairs after ironically tripping over a Superman doll.