Formula 1

In a Nutshell

Formula 1 (also known as F1, Max Verstappen, or Rich People NASCAR) is likely the best way to drive around on expensive squiggly circles using expensive cars. A soap opera made of carbon fiber. It began as an easy way for car manufacturers to spend hundreds of millions annually to make cars go faster.

The Drivers

Despite appearance, the drivers are not created in FIA's secret laboratories, although several have the posture and emotional regulation of government property.

An average F1 driver can:

React in under 0.2 seconds, which is faster than most humans can regret a tweet.

Withstand 5–6 G of cornering force, causing their neck to experience what can only be described as continuous assault.

Lose 3–4 kg during a race, making Formula 1 the world’s most expensive cardio class.

Doctors insist this is “fine”.

Contrary to the belief that drivers “just sit there,” each race requires:

 Steering forces strong enough to arm-wrestle a small bear

 Neck muscles capable of holding up a helmet that weighs more than some Formula E cars

 Core strength sufficient to survive Ferrari strategy meetings

Drivers train by:

- Lifting weights

- Running marathons

- And repeatedly shaking their heads “no” while under load, which is later rebranded as “cornering”

The Teams

Red Bull Racing:

 Proves that energy drinks are a viable engineering philosophy. 
 Formula 1 is in fact not a team sport and can be carried on one person's back. 

Mercedes:

 Former empire in recovery. They spent years dominating before realizing that regulations are in fact applicable to everyone. 
 Currently, Mercedes is extremely professional. They consistently finish p3-p5 while insisting it's progress. 

McLaren:

 Built a car that goes faster than your dad and your mom last night. Hired two drivers who tried SO HARD to bottle 2025 but the car was SO FAST even Norris couldn't bottle it. 

Ferrari:

 "It must be the water"

Aston Martin

 This is what happens when daddy's money and Fernando Alonso make a team. 

Alpine:

 Slow.

Williams:

 Used to babysit drivers for Mercedes until they were ready, although after a war for independence they signed Sainz and Albon, two very capable drivers, and gave them a shitbox tractor of a car and wished them luck. 

 the "best of the rest." 

Haas:

 Slow but faster than Alpine. Haas is to Ferrari as Williams is to Mercedes. 

Kick Sauber:

 Audi's unfinished science project.

Visa Cash App Racing Bulls

 Red Bull's junior team. (They have a better car.) 

Cadillac

 America's infiltration of F1 because NASCAR wasn't enough for them. 

The FIA

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