Fifty Caliber Terror
Fifty Caliber Terror is an organization started by soccer moms who ran out of real issues to complain about and decided to shift their focus to guns. The soccer moms started the organization in hopes of sucking life dry in the shooting world. This is the common goal of a soccer mom.
Mission[edit]
Fifty Caliber Terror is dedicated to removing the evil .50 caliber rifle from the streets. Everyone knows that terrorists buy these weapons from local stores, not the black market, and everyone also knows that explosive ammo is widely available. According to FCT, these rifles can be used to shoot down jet airliners with ease, a noted incident being the shooting down of some random plane over some ocean. It is for this reason that the heroic women are trying to take these rifles away from evil, law-abiding citizens like you and I, depriving those with no criminal intent of their precious rifle, while those who actually have criminal intent can buy it from the black market just like they intended originally. Everyone knows that if one person can use something for a bad cause, it must be removed from every possible store, regardless of the "konstertution" [sic] as George Dubya Bush always says. The group has also spoken out against incendiary (which, like the soccer moms say, everybody knows means heat-seeking) ammo. Incendiary means the ammo burns its target or lights it on fire, but clearly that is wrong, as they clearly say heat-seeking and they have all their facts straight.
Use in the shooting down of Black Hawk 1[edit]
In 1993, Black Hawk 1 was a helicopter transporting food to hungry children in Africa. It was shot down by a terrorist who used an M82A1 to hit the rotor. This didn't cause much damage, so he decided to go with his RPG-7v instead and shot down Black Hawk 1. This incident was all over the news, blaming Barrett for producing a weapon that could possibly give us an advantage in wars. The Soccer Moms jumped on this like a fat man on a bucket of lard.
Use for hunting[edit]
.50 caliber rifles are used by rednecks for hunting varmint and deer. They often use them for home defense as well to defend from badgers and rabid prospectors. FCT has often cited this use as a reason to ban the rifle, although states like Pennsylvania, Alabama, and tennessee would be in great uproar and possibly secede. This decision would be unpopular with the native populations of rednecks. In addition, the soccer moms have seen it in limited use with the occupants of Mississippi to shoot crocodiles. The inhabitants of Mississippi are mostly nocturnal dwellers however, so very few people have been able to confirm this. Many insane survivalists in the South possess at least one .50 caliber rifle. This is, according to them, to use during the martian landing that will occur in 2012. I have gone undercover and seen some of these. A sure sign of someone that possesses a .50 caliber rifle is a trailer covered in armor (aluminum siding or heavier). They are commonly used to hunt the notorious Cotton jumpin' wombat, a nocturnal hunter that roams trailer parks.
Creator of the rifle[edit]
Ardivssjjjaar Stridsson was born in Iceland in 1901. He created the .50 BMG (Big Moose-Hunting Gear) round and chambered it for his Barrett M82A1, which was used for moose hunting, as only a large round could drop a moose in one shot. This weapon was used by the US from the 1980s-2003, being replaced by the M107 Barrett. Other models include the M99 and M95 and M82A2. There are many other .50 caliber BMG rifles, in fact too many to mention, but they all ripped off Stridsson. The rifle was originally called the "Jagrbjor?k Argghhjaroyns!" but was renamed the M82 because not everyone can speak Icelandic.
Sightings of pure evil[edit]
Warning: Never stare into the eyes of a fifty caliber rifle-it may turn you to stone. The photographers that took these pictures were wearing anti-stone turning suits.
A notorious picture of a confession of the rifle after a killing spree. Notice the "I kill babies" written in blood on the receiver, as well as the blood covering the rifle, clearly from babies.
The most evil of all: the Barret Model 107.
What to do if you see someone from .50 caliber terror[edit]
Do not panic. They may run at you and assault you with their teeth and claws. However, they respond to a few different methods of defense:
- Pull out a copy of the second amendment. This will cause them to run in fear of the basic rights of every American.
- Always have a cross and holy water. This will make them disintegrate if they don't flee quickly enough.
- Show them the light of day. Most of them can't bear to be under the sun and will instantly ignite if they see sunlight. This is due to the fact that they have been too busy indoors spreading propaganda to go outside.
- Simply saying "Acchh! Ramboug Tatoüine!" will work. It is soccermomish for "back!" This will terrify them knowing that someone knows their language.
These are the proven methods of defense against soccer moms. Bullets cannot harm them as the soccer moms will catch them and take them away from you if you shot them.