Durrington

View of Worthing from Durrington Town Hall.

“A Co-op, some pubs, and piss-heads walking about”

~ The Domesday survey on Durrington

Durrington is a suburb of Worthing, a sprawling commercial center in the interior of England. It was not famously built on an ancient Indian Burial Ground, and none claim it was primary source of inspiration for the film Poltergeist.

Durrington's name is derived from the second component of the Old English hendiadys "hurring and durring," rendered in the common tongue as "hurr durr." On that note, Hurrington is also a suburb that is located on the other side of Worthing. Durrington is the seat of the county of Derpshire.

History

Durrington was first noticed — and given a wide berth — in the year 934. In 1086, the Domesday survey advised tourists to shun it completely, but conceded it did have a church. The church was rebuilt in 1265, though most of the cash in the collection plate found its way to St Andrew's Church in nearby West Tarring. In 1643, the church was wrecked out of spite during the English Civil War, and stayed that way until 1915. The Roundheads spared the pubs, happily, where the only thing wrecked is most of the patrons.

Durrington today

The Mayor is often featured in centre-spreads in Dog Chasers' Weekly.

Durrington has become the epicenter of chav culture, emanating waves of influence throughout Great Britain and even affecting the moon's orbit.

In 1992, the annual Durrington festival was founded. Literally dozens of people each year now make their way, on foot or sometimes shod (but never on horseback), to bask in Durrington's glory. The festival is "a week-long celebration of what Durrington has to offer," and consequently finishes up in about ten minutes.

Durrington is often in the press for bad behavior, and is sometimes on fire. Hurrington and Durrington send two representatives each to the Worthing Borough Council. The four councillors have turned brawling into performance art; council meetings are like doubles tennis matches using paperweights.

The bullet train to Teville Gate. Notice the painted System Logo.

The Mayor of Durrington was noted for saying, "Success is built on inconvenience." In actual fact, however, what he said was, "Success is built on a convenience," meaning the public conveniences erected at the south end of Durrington Gardens (now hailed as the 12th wonder of the world). The development attracts the local toilet trade, toilet artwork, and toilet humor, and is lucrative for druggies and paedos.

Future plans

Plans for the future development of Durrington include:

• A 150 storey council block, complete with non-functioning lifts, piss-stinking stairwells, and graffiti depicting cocks (the noted Durrington Shafts), with the artistically gifted occasionally adding balls.
• A high-speed rail link to Teville Gate (pictured)
• More supermarkets.