Dragonlance
Dragonlance is a fantasy series of books.
Kirk: The Forgotten Editor[edit]
The primary tales of Dragonlance were written by the imaginary team of Tracy Hickman and Margaret Weis. It is believed that William Shattner helped out with spelling some of the harder words. Unfortunately, Shattner's ego got the better of him. He would be given pages to edit, spend several hours pouring over them, and turn them back in looking nothing like they did before. Specifically they had coffee stains on them. More importantly, they now read as a series of essays on why Kirk was better than Picard. This was troubling because:
- The Next Generation had not debuted yet
- Much of the lists made more sense by reversing the words "Kirk" and "Picard"
- Shattner had an odd habit of making everything rhyme
- Mel Gibson helped, which probably explains the parts about the Jews.
Entire chapters had to be redone to wipe out the influence of Kirk. Tracy Hickman put it best when he said, "Margret shatt-n-her pants when she read the re-writes."
The Characters of Dragonlance[edit]
Raistlin Majere is probably least well known as the father of Darth Vader. Some people think that Darth Vader was the son of the force, or Palpatine or Darth Tyrannus or Mel Gibson. They're all wrong. It was Raistlin. When Vader turned out to be such a crybaby, Raistlin then moved to another galaxy and had a twin brother named Caramon. When Caramon proved to be equally disapointing, Raistlin decided to make the best of it and chose to become a god.
Dalamar is a dark-elf. But come on, if he were white, would we refer to him as a light-elf? This is exactly the kind of racial profiling that gives fantasy a bad name. Come on Margaret, you're better than that... even if you don't really exist.
Laurana was a teenage (by elvish standards) elvish princess, and really quite annoying. She was also named after Tracy's wife, Laura (quite possibly also imaginary). Wanting to score points with his wife, Tracy made the character of Laurana very beautiful, and had her single-handedly responsible for winning the Dragonlance wars. She was also really Fizban, and furthermore she invented magic.
Tasslehoff is a kender, a knock off race of hobbits. Basically, the story needed another race. It already had elves, humans, ogres and republicans. It also had tribbles, but after they got rid of Shattner's writing that problem took care of itself. Another race was needed, preferably one that would bring some comedic value. Hickman proposed a race of short people. This idea wasn't really all that clever, and it sounded too much like hobbits anyway. A great debate ensued:
"You stole the idea!" proclaimed Weis.
"I did not," Hickman protested. "I just borrowed some ideas is all."
"You're a little cutpurse is what you are!"
"Take that back!" *choke*
"Who are you talking to Tracy?" asked William Shattner.
"Didn't we fire you?" shot back Hickman. "Get out of here! And take your hairpiece with you."
Shortly after that Hickman got the idea of making the hobbits thieves. He called them Kender. Thus Tasslehoff was born.
The Margaret Weis Hoax[edit]
Tracy continued to capitalize on his fictional co-author's growing popularity. He/She co-authored several stories and novels with this so-called person until the author developed a split personality. Today Tracy, who still claims to be a guy, continues to co-author several stories as Tracy Hickman, Margret Weis and Tracy Hickman, Margret Weis, and eventually as Tracy And Laura Hickman. This made the situation even weirder.
We're pretty sure that Laura actually exists although nobody other than Margret claims to have met her.
Quotes from DragonLance books[edit]
“Shirak”
“Dragons, Drangonlances, a Utopian society and Margret Weis!”
“No, kenders only look like hobbits. They act different, and that makes all the..er... difference”
“Is it just me or is this all slightly vague?”