User:Scofield/Dragon Worrier 2: This time, there's three of 'em!

A century after the first Dragon Worrier got so worried he peed in his pants before vanquishing the Dragonlord, the people of the franchise had a reason to get worried yet again.

Here's why:-

In the kingdom of Moonbrooke, the king taketh his daughter out for a walk.

King: Dear daughter, one day, this kingdom shall be all thine!

Daughter- Not really! You'll marry me off to a prince who will hog all the power. And stop speaking in Old English! It's lame!

King- I'll tell thee what's lame! Lame is hanging out with thy dumbass maidens who keep gossiping about some hot guy they saw the other day! Seriously, thy gossip sucks!

Daughter- So what do you want, huh? Should I get kidnapped by some evil magician or something? Maybe then you'll stop calling me lame! (an evil magician appears)

King- OMG! Hargon! I cannot believe this!

Hargon- Believe it, King! Thy daughter summoned me, and I came! Now come with me, bitch!

King- No way! If thou wanteth my daughter, thou must go through me first!

Hargon- Okay! Avada Kedavra! (a flash of green light shooteth out from his wand and hiteth the king. The king dropeth dead).

Daughter- Daddy! NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hargon- Did thee like my killing curse? I just invented it!

Daughter- Okay, Harlot! I'll come with you if you promise to leave this kingdom alone!

Hargon- Not gonna happen, bitch! (Harlot casteth a slew of spells that set the kingdom ablaze. He then casteth Petrificus totalus on the Daughter and taketh her with him)

A few minutes later

(A guard emergeth from the blazing ruins of Moonbrooke, and runs towards the nearby kingdom of Middenhall, where he collapseth at the entrance to the castle)

Castle guards- Holy cow, fellow guard! What hath happened to thee!

Moonbrooke guard- I come from Moonbrooke-

Castle guards- Yeah, we know that! Just tell us what happened!

Moonbrooke guard- Well, the king took his daughter out for a walk, and then an evil magician killed him, kidnapped his daughter, and burned down the kingdom. The end! (he dies)

Castle guards- Oh, crap. The King shall be deeply worried upon hearing this. But we must tell him, for who knows, we may be next!

Inside the Castle, the King scoldeth his errant son

King- Who dost thou think thou art? I send thee out to collect taxes, and thou bring back this Herb?

Son- I couldn't resist father! 'Twas some really good shit!

King- Silence! The Prince of Middenhall must never get involved with this kind of stuff! Dost thou know 'tis illegal!

Son- Well, I thought nobody cares, so why not give it a shot?

King- Well, I care! And I shall make thee pay for defying the laws of the land! (castle guards enter)

Castle Guards- Thy Majesty! We have just received word from a guard from Moonbrooke!

King- Pray, what is the matter with with those dickheads?

Castle Guards- An evil sorcerer hath just laid waste to the kingdom and kidnapped its princess!

Son- Well, guess I'd better leave thee to it, father! (begins to leave)

King- (smiling maliciously) No, dear boy. Thou art not going anywhere!

Son- What dost thou mean?

King- Prince of Midenhall, I hereby assign thee the task of defeating the evil sorcerer, and rescuing the Princess!

Son- No, father! Dost thou realize how much worry this will cause me!

King- My point exactly. 'Tis about time thou got a taste of thy own medicine! May thou never stop worrying after this!

Son- NOOOOOOOOOO!

Dum dum da de deeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Diary of the Prince (let's call him Dick)

24 October, 1756

So, my father hath decided to punish me for smuggling Herb by assigning me the task of defeating the evil wizard Hargon, and rescue the Princess of Moonbrooke. He hath also told me I cannot do this alone, and that I must seek allies from the nearby castle of Cannock. Arrogant prick! He single-handedly rules a kingdom for years, and yet he cannot trust me to defeat the evil sorcerer on my own? I'll show him!

We left the castle, and he told me to take whatever I may need from a nearby treasure chest. And dost thou know what was in the treasure chest? Some pocket change, and a copper sword. At least I am better off than my legendary ancestor BUTT, who had to settle for a fucking torch. I stepped out of the gates of the kingdom, armed with my princely armour, the copper sword, and some Herb (no, it's not what you think; this is 'good, healing Herb', not 'bad, getting high Herb'. God, I hate my father!). And then, I was ambushed by, not one, not two, but THREE giant piles of living slime!

Triple the bullshit!

I quickly attacked one of the slimes with my sword, but then all three of them attacked me at once! Result- I decreased the hit of ONE of the slimes by 1, and they all decreased my hit by 3! By the end of the battle, I'd lost nearly half of my HP. So I had to rush back into the town and waste 6 gold coins on the traveler's inn just to get some sleep. I cannot understand why there's no bed at the castle, where I could sleep for free. Maybe my father has hidden the beds in a bid to force me to learn how to live independently, even though I shall inherit the kingdom anyway! Verily, parents are strange people.

But the king was right in one sense. I cannot possibly defeat Hargon on my own if three slimes can beat me up so bad. I shall have to find allies in the kingdom of Cannock. Guess where I shall go tomorrow!

25 October, 1756

I have finally reached the castle of Cannock! Verily, 'twas a treacherous journey. I've lost count of the number of times I have been ambushed on my way to the kingdom! Just when I take another step, hoping nothing will go wrong, it doth! So far, I have faced slimes, wild rats, iron ants, and king cobras. Worse still, they all have a nasty habit of ganging up on me, so I usually have no choice but to run. But strangely enough, half the time I've tried to run, I've been told that I failed to escape, and then the monsters have a field day bashing me up. Stranger still, whenever I think I am about to die, I find myself back in the castle of Middenhall, with my father telling me that he hath 'revived' me. The Lord seems to be playing a very cruel joke on me, having me beaten up like this, but never letting me die. Already, I feel like death would be a better fate than what I'm currently facing. All this for smuggling a little Herb!

The worst part is that when I began looking for my friend the Prince (we used to get high together), the king told me he had already gone out to search for the the evil sorcerer! All this treacherous travel for nothing! But then the prince's sister told me that he had gone to search for a 'spring of bravery'.

On the morrow, I shall search for the 'spring of bravery', and hopefully find the Prince there.

30 October, 1756

It has been 5 days, but I still haven't found the spring of bravery. I searched the lands around the kingdoms of Cannock and Middenhall, I searched all the villages around the kingdoms of Cannock and Middenhall, but no such luck. Instead, I found myself getting bashed up repeatedly by monsters (and being revived at the nearest castle), and talking to utterly retarded people who keep on repeating the same totally irrelevant dialogues over and over again. I mean, why do the guards have to keep on repeating "Welcome to Cannock Castle" every time I try to talk to them? Don't I know that already? And the king himself is particularly unhelpful, saying nothing other than "My son has already started his journey. Thou shalt gain much from him." I'm worried I may not find him in time if this goes on.

So exhausted was I from this 0wNAGE, that I accidentally stumbled into a cave while wandering aimlessly. I decided to check it out, in a desperate bid to find some clue to where the spring of bravery was. And guess what? It was in the caverns! That's right- a luscious, beautiful, mystical hot-spring was there, ten feet underground! I thought springs were usually surrounded by flowers, and greenery, and birds chirping about while romantic music played in the background! Not this time. When I talked to the guy standing in front of the spring (that's right, a guy who does nothing but stand in front of the stupid spring. How retarded are these people?) he asked me if I was searching for the Prince of Cannock. I do not know how he managed to figure that out just by looking at me, but when I answered "yes", he said that I had just missed him, and that he had gone to Middenhall Castle looking for me!!!

By my troth, this adventure sucks.

Diary of the Two Princes (let's call the guy from Cannock Perv)

31 October, 1756

I have finally found my good friend Perv! The moment I saw him, he courageously proclaimed he would aid me in my quest! Yay! Now that I finally have a partner to help me out, maybe things will get a little easier for me, as my partner shall be forced to face the same bullshit I've been facing for the past week or so. However, even though two warriors are better than one, I am still deeply concerned that we may get steamrollered a thousand more times before finding the princess. However, Perv has assured me that he is a highly skilled magician, along with being a fairly experienced fighter and so I have no reason to worry. For now, let us hear what else he has to say. -Dick

Hello everybody! My name is Perv, and I have joined my good friend Dick in the battle against the evil wizard Hargon. Like Dick said, the moment I met him, I knew that I wanted to join him on this incredibly treacherous, near-impossible, and highly tedious and painful journey.

The moment we left the gates of Middenhall, I knew my skills would be put to the test. And sure enough, we were ambushed by two wild mice and an iron ant. My dear friend Dick courageously lifted his sword and attacked, and managed to reduce the hits of the iron ant by 2. Then I chanted the spell of HURT, and reduced the hits of the iron ant by 8. The ant was vanquished!

Then the wild mice attacked us. They decreased the hits of both of us by 7 each. Not to worry, I thought. We shall defeat them with our next attack! Dick attacked them with his sword, and I chanted the spell of HURT. The hits of both the mice were reduced by 5, but they didn't die. Then they attacked us once again, and we found ourselves at my father's castle, where he said he had "revived" us, though we deserved less. Goddamit! -Perv

5 November, 1756

I guess this journey turned out to be even more tedious and painful than I'd previously imagined. So, me and Dick have decided to train for the impending task of saving the Princess of Moonbrooke. By "train", of course, I mean wandering aimlessly through the lands and sparring with living drops of slime (they're the only monsters who don't defeat us every time). Every time we win, the slimes drop valuable "gold coins", and we gain "experience". "Can't we just get on with our task already!" I keep asking Dick. Unfortunately, our last encounter with the mice and the ant seems to have turned him into a bit of a sissy. He says that if we do not hone our skills, we'll merely end up getting bashed up again, and we'll never be able to make our way to Moonbrooke. Well, I had no problem navigating the lands until he came along!

Come to think of it, I really did have no problem until Dick came along. Why, it was a fine and safe journey, as I found myself outside the castle of Cannock at one instant, at the spring of Bravery in another, and then at the Middenhall Castle, which, strangely, I was too lazy to leave. But as soon as I met the Prince, not only have I been forced to follow him wherever he goeth, I also have to face every monster that he faces! Every time, the monsters attack, they first hit the Prince, and then me! Oh dear Lord, whatever did I do to deserve this!