Democratic Party of the Internet
“It's the Republican's fault!”
“Stupid... conservative-made... bullets...”
“...Republicans”
The Democratic Party of the Internet, or DPI (not to be confused with dots per inch, which there are far less of), is a lifeless political group that makes up 99% of the internet. They are most known for inserting the word "conservatives" into more pages than currently exist, despite having no idea what the actual policies of the democrat party are. The DPI is the single most annoying group known to man, and their collective egos form the pacific ocean.
History[edit]
Origin[edit]
The group began immediatley after the 2000 election. Al Gore, after his loss, swore revenge on the world. He turned to his greatest invention, the internet, summoned his minions to begin the Democratic Party of the Internet, and commanded them make fun of his opponent. But the attack soon got out of control, and members plastered it on everything. Several internet browsers now come with standard "Bush is an idiot" toolbars, just in case theres anyone out there who still likes him. The word "Bush" is now the internet's most frequently used word, beating out the word "the" by an estimated 175,934,865,102,342,095,102 uses.
Overthrow[edit]
But the internet was not enough for Gore. He began looking for attention by inventing various hoaxes, starting with dressing up as Bigfoot, and pretending to find the Loch Ness Monster. Eventually he invented the ultimate hoax, which he called "Global Warming".
Naturally, the Democratic Party of the Internet accepted global warming without question, despite not knowing what it is. But it backfired in their faces when some Republicans idiotically believed global warming. Since agreeing with a republican is considered a form of blasphemy, the party overthrew Al Gore and never spoke of global warming again.
The Obamaist Revolution[edit]
Then came the 2008 election, and Barack Obama. He fit the criteria for acceptance among the party, due to not only being not Bush, but making his entire campaign emphasize that he is not Bush (instead of actual policies, which no one cared about). And he was Black, which gave the DPI an excuse to call everyone who didn't vote for him a racist. The party no longer had to only put George W. Bush references on every page, but Obama references as well, causing version 2.0 of the internet.
Beliefs[edit]
Editing Uncyclopedia[edit]
One of the core beliefs of the party, every member must edit some reference to conservatives into uncyclopedia 5 times a day. Examples include "Ice cream is a tasty treat, but sometimes there is bad ice cream, which is made by conservatives", and "Pencil shavings are parts of a pencil found in a sharpener, with an IQ higher than conservatives". This page's estimated lifespan is 5 seconds before the idiots vandalize it.
Sarcasm[edit]
Internet Democrats enjoy using sarcasm to justify their own stupidity. Of course, they can't even think of different terms for their own party, let alone others, so you can easily detect them when you see the phrase "liberal hippies" in an article, such as in the following examples:
Statement:
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Sarcastic Translation:
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General Ignorance[edit]
The single most important policy of the Democratic Party of the Internet. Members must have the ability to completely ignore all faults of the Democrat party, including but not limited to the Civil War, the nuking of Japan, and of course the recent Economy Crisis. Plus the use of tax dollars as a replacement for flushing water in their toilets.
The DPI enjoys accusing others of racism to cover up their own blatant racism. A favorite pastime is to call Conservatives rednecks, while simeltaniously ignoring the huge amounts of idiots that make up their own party. Also, they have to ignore the entire public school system and 99% of the media's liberal bias so they can accuse things with republican bias (ie. barely anything). They all seem to think Fox news is a conspiracy to end the world.
Detection and Extermination[edit]
The average Internet Democrat is a cowardly animal. When threatened, it will puff up it's grammar and spelling in an attempt to scare off it's foe. If this dosen't work, it will go to it's second line of defense and accuse it's opponent of being an ignorant, unfunny racist.
Since that usually dosen't work, Internet Democrats try hide behind computer monitors. Usually the infestation is so bad you can find most of them in plain sight. The best way to eliminate them is via machine gun, since any form of reasoning is futile against the huge amount of them. If, however, you are having trouble luring them out, try waving around a picture of Bush. You can also try accusing them of anything. If true, they will want to cover it up, otherwise they'll make fun of you endlessly. At this point, shoot them as fast as possible or risk losing your sanity.
Conclusion[edit]
The members of this organization are... uh oh, they've found the article. It's only a matter of time now before they come after me and make excuses to delete this. I've gotta go hide behind my flame-resistant shield, go run for cover!