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Featured version: 8 December 2006 |
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Dear Poster Child for the Criminally Insane,
I know this might seem like a total violation of the laws of physics to you, seeing as we made all those plans to vacation in the Ivory Coast, and smuggle bits of it home to sell on the black market, but I just don't see things working out that way. I'm sorry about this — or at least that's what you're supposed to say in these situations. I just need to kick you while you're down, before the snooker comes on the telly. I want to tell you that I think you are not as strong in the Force as the Emperor thought, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not really compatible. You are not even real, just a Sim character I created last week in The Sims 3, and I am a grue and will certainly eat you the next time we meet. You like guessing the weight of elderly women, stabbing yourself with carrots, and gas tungsten arc welding, and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things. How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date just as long as you are willing to spend half your life hanging by your pinkie toes, for that's the type of torture I have planned for you.. But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever I need to tell my side of the story on Jerry Springer. I'd really like us to become road sweepers or something, if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, assuming that "good times" is just another way of saying "total suckage". Take care of yourself and never forget that it's going to take more than a restraining order to keep me away from our children — they are mine too and I will not be denied them.
~ Princess Peach. |