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Featured version: 8 December 2006 |
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Thursday, November 21, 2024
Dear Sperm Donor,
I know this might seem like a bit of a shock to you, seeing as we made all those plans to visit your grand-parents to give them a big ol' kiss, but I just don't see things working out that way. I'm sorry about this — sorry that I didn't take the chance to get rid of you last month, but I promise I'll make up for it the next time we meet. I just need more time alone. No... More time away from you. All of it, really. Yeah. That's what I mean to say. I want to tell you that I think you are a Cylon imposter, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not really compatible. You are scared of sheep, and I am all that and more. You like smoking banana peels, playing with your pasta meals until it looks like the Flying Spaghetti Monster before proceeding to eat it, and you cannot lie, the other brothers can't deny, when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung, and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things. How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date other species. But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever I find another piece of Titanic buried in my backyard. I'd really like us to become friends, but I think that won't happen. I rather not speak to you again, if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, before the psychatrist told me that you were my split personality all along. Take care of yourself and never forget to brush your teeth. Oh wait; you don't have any, you toothless old fuck.
~ The unmentionable one. |