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Featured version: 8 December 2006 |
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Dear Dalai Lama,
I know this might seem like I'm into polygamy or something just because I have five wives at the same time, but I'm sorry about this — but another officer is at the door - I'll write more in an hour. I just need to enter "4 8 15 16 23 42" into my command prompt every 108th minute. I want to tell you that I think you are the creep who's making all those nightly phone calls where only heavy breathing is heard, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not really compatible. You are a card-carrying member of the Hair Club for Men, and I am not you. You like flaying lambs, insult sword fighting, and genitally piercing unsuspecting strangers in unemployment line queues, and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things. How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date virtualized Sim replicas of each other. But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever I'm having another period of severe psychotic breakdown. I'd really like us to become Siamese twins (we might have to undergo an extensive surgery for that though), if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, unless I was just dreaming. Take care of yourself and never forget that I have the Infinity Gauntlet and is thus the supreme being of this universe.
~ The queen of Doggerland. |