Deal

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“ We're having to do an article on Deal now? Fucking hell. Uncyclopedia's really gone up the spout.”

~ Oscar Wilde

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~ Noël Coward

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Deal is is an oversized cul-de-sac in the warmest corner of England where people retreat to get themselves prescriptions, tans, and death. The port of Deal was founded in the 13th century, probably by accident; though the majority of its residents date back to the Late Cretaceous period.

Today, Deal lies in the socio-economic no man's land of being too upmarket for an Aldi but not posh enough to have a Waitrose, though it does have a branch of M&S, its retarded cousin. It ranks about ninth in the Shite Kent Coastal Backwaters rankings, above Whitstable but below Ramsgate, Dover, and the entirety of Sheppey; the cosmetic attraction of its historic buildings, which date back to the era of Deal being a 'Cinque Port', is tempered by the fact that, nowadays, the town has an average age of 108 (excluding the 'suburbs' of Sandown and Kingsdown which are even older).