Dave Gorman
Dave "David" Winston Gregorious Gorman (born 13th December 1963 near Güglschlag, Germany) is a Silesian comedian of mediocre repute, a part-time transvestite as well as the current manager of Northampton Shoeshaggers Football Club. He is most famous for Powerpoint presentations about his efforts to track down other people called Dave Gorman as well as his exploits as a 'tasche twirling tactical guru on the football pitch.
Childhood[edit]
Dave had a fairly unremarkable childhood. Normally uncyclopedia articles on famous celebrities attempt to at least make something vaguely extraordinary up to at least raise a chuckle, but Dave's childhood was so unremarkable, this totally negates this. Apart from brief episodes of unexplained genocide in Blackpool and curing lepers of sarcasm on Blue Peter his childhood was duller than dishwater.
Career as a comedian[edit]
Dave was diagnosed with the dreaded Comedianitis Syndrome, which in every case leads to a long and protracted death. Despite this considerable advantage in life, he still lives with down and out badgers under bridges exchanging tales of failed business ventures.
It was here that Dave Gorman met the first other Dave Gorman, a 34 year old badger who had failed to make a success out of Timmy Mallett branded tampons. From this momentous occasion, Dave Gorman got the idea to make a Powerpoint presentation based search for other Dave Gormans interspersed with his oven-cleaner-fueled trite crowd pleasing dry-verging-on-moist humour.
Are you Dave Gorman?[edit]
Dave's seminal classic book Are you Dave Gorman? is a story about how he asks people, "Are you called Dave Gorman?" Most of them say no. This is pretty much how the whole book goes. It has proven to be a very successful treatment for people with hyperactivity and has also been featured on Tomorrow's World as a cure for people with relapsed anuses.
An unexpected side affect of his success was that he started to assume the identities of the other Dave Gormans and attempt to do their jobs without them realising.
After a recent head injury it has been suggested that Dave is currently working on a new book and comedy tour entitled "Am I Dave Gorman?"
Dave Gorman's Googlespack[edit]
Not content with whittling down the all important Dave Gormans per mile average, the measure of success in his quest for Dave Gormans, he also took on the superhuman effort of finding mysterious Googlespacks. These are pages on Google that make your computer convulse uncontrollably, play disgusting Hungarian Gulash Porn and sing the theme tune to the Power Rangers in Esperanto.
He found none because he is a fucking tool of the cover up coordinated by his arch nemesis, Kleeneze mail order catalogues.
Dave Gorman's football management career[edit]
After having a vision induced by rancid mushrooms and watching an episode of the gameshow Strike it Lucky backwards and whilst standing on his head, Dave decided his calling was in the world of football, particularly posing as former Swindon Town manager Dave "John" Gorman.
This got him his first job at Wycombe Wanderers. This initially was a great success, as he received the 2045 Nobel Peace Prize in advance for his work brokering peace between the warring factions of the South Bucks Republican Army and Wycombe District Council.
However it all went downhill when his unrelenting commitment to finding as many other Dave Gormans as possible led him to neglect the club's promotion push and eventually sacked for wearing more than the legal limit of deoderant for Jedi days of religious observence.
He is now manager of Northampton Shoeshaggers FC, a front organisation for a much-feared clandestine militant organisation protecting seedy old men who prey on young innocent underage footwear.