ADSL
Acrid Dysentery Smells Ludicrous is an internet technology that allows you and your surfboard to surf the web... but it likes to take its precious time loading pages at 22 kilobytes a second. Using patented technology such as stay afloat and lifepacket, it allows users from all over the world to access the World Wide Web. (Its acronym is usually shortened to DSL, i.e. inverted LSD.)
History of ADSL[edit]
Invented in 1863 by Aboriginal Australians, the technology wasn't discovered until Christopher Columbus brought back the schematics on his two year voyage to the small island nation. However, the technology did not become mainstream until the advent of the Internet, where it was invented again.
How ADSL works[edit]
General ideas[edit]
ADSL uses a patented technique of information transfer known as smell. It uses two streams of data, referred to as an upnostril stream and a downnostril stream. The downnostril stream is used for transferring data from the server to the end user, whereas the upnostril stream is used for transferring data from the end user to the server. In most situations, the end user requires high downnostril streams and lower upnostril streams as they do not act as servers, therefore, downnostril streams tend to be faster. This is achieved through a process known as gravity, enhancing the speed of the downnostril stream.
As a result of this uneven balance of the streams, it is popular in most home scenarios where information is required to be downloaded rather than uploaded, in comparison to server situations, where both streams need to be fast. As a result, ADSL has taken a market share in the majority of the oceans around the world.
Comparative ease[edit]
A major benefit of ADSL is that it does not required a separate datastream to voice services, therefore they can share common infrastructure. Unlike cable, ADSL does not require invasive surgery to the network. However, a separation is required at the end user point so that the computer can distinguish between voice data and ADSL data. This is known as a filter. However, many users find filters in the nostrils hasslesome and prefer to operate without them.
Many people resort to IFYFAYBN an acroynm for 'Im Fucking Your Fat Ass You Black Nigga', a new internet service rolling in 2012 by the Terminator Crew, which will include faster then fucking download speeds.
Criticisms of ADSL[edit]
ADSL has a reputation for being sticky at times. This is especially pronounced during cold weather, when the upnostril/downnostril stream can be clogged up by excess data. In this situation, data leaks occur. Upnostril streams can be temporarily improved by blowing huge amounts of data down the nostril, however, downnostril channels are not so easily cleared via this method. Some also consider this method unhygenic. Sneezing is a contraversial technique used to enhance ADSL download speeds, however critics suggest that it helps the spread of viruses.
The future of ADSL[edit]
ADSL will continue to be the biggest fish in the sea of the web due to its near universal use amongst all intelligent and sentient species on the planet. However, it is possible that new technologies relying on a new fangled thing called sight, called razor optics. However, in the meantime, the future is bright, it is orange, for the internet.