Christy Clark
100% more British Columbian per 150g than the leading provincial brand.
Christy Clark is the premier of BC and is a famous Canadian story teller. Her most famous story is "BC Fairy". She fell into power when Gordon Campbell resigned. (He moved to England to turn a new leaf. He ended up incinerating all the leaves in a week when he opened a coal power plant.) Christy Clark was manufactured in a Monsanto chemical lab with the sole purpose of replacing Gordon Campbell in the event of his resign, which was predicted by an old hag when he visited Romania. She won the "Most Dazed and Confused Canadian of The Year", Although, naturally, her acceptance speech was a lecture about balancing budgets.
"Liberal Party"[edit]
When Christy Clark was crowned Queen of BC. She suggested to rename the "BC Liberal Party" to "Conservative Party of BC". This change was also deemed to be "too honest". Because of this naming issue, voters continue to criticize the Liberal's name and relentlessly complain about the New in NDP. Though the BC Liberals have no resemblance to the Liberal Party of Canada, Christy still tries to imitate Justin Trudeau so no one poses questions. Examples are;
-Not showing up to work
-Hatred of the NDP
-Sucking up to various ethnic groups
-Not knowing how to name their kids
-Using their attractiveness to get votes
Hatred of Schools[edit]
Christy Clark was continuously bullied at school for not knowing how to do basic math, hence the strong hatred for public education. Christy's hatred of teachers could be traced back to when she was 6. Her teacher wanted Christy to turn in her homework. Christy Clark replied: "I don't have the resources to do my homework." She continued to ignore her teacher until the teacher canceled playtime. Christy started to get an angry response from her classmates, however, using her insidious mind, she bribed her classmates 40 dollars a day. The two sides would eventually get back to talking when the school's counsellor volunteered to help with the issue. Christy started to fear she would get expelled, so she reluctantly handed in her homework she had the whole time. Experts suggest that this might be related to some of her scandals with public education.
Obesity Plot[edit]
In 2011 Christy launched a new cereal line called "Christy Crunch". The line was created to fatten up British Columbians to the point were they couldn't fit inside voting booths, making Christy Premier of BC indefinitely. It was immediately attacked by the NDP because the cereal was full of HST, contained artificial sweeteners & had 0% content. The brand was also criticized for having a striking resemblance to the previous Campbell Crunch. The cereal was discontinued months after. Months later, Christy Clark approved the development of the Northern Gateway Pipeline, assuming that it was a pipeline transporting canola oil from Alberta. She thought that it would be like a giant straw that British Columbians would suck on, replacing tap water. Much to her dismay, crude oil doesn't bloat humans. She later stated "All oils are created equally." She withdrew that statement after drinking Fort McMurrary's tap water.