Chonga
Chonga |
|
| Scientific Name | Homo chongus |
| Habitat | Miami (South Florida) |
| Discovery | Mid 90s |
| Male Counterpart | Self or Cholo |
| Close Relatives | Wigger, Chav, White trash |
A chonga is a girl of Hispanic origin, usually between the ages of 13 and 19, but sometimes as young as 3. Primarily found in Miami (most famously, in Hialeah), the chonga is known for her cheap form of dress, a combination of the so-called hustler look and that of a hooker, but can vary between the two. She wears ridiculously large hoop earrings large enough to be bracelets, which are usually pink and have their name written in them, and diamond studs high up on her ears. They may also wear thick, gold bangle bracelets in stacks on their arms. Depending on how ghetto she thinks she is, she may wear oversized men's t-shirts with tight, usually white Brazilian pants, with a colored thong worn underneath that shows through (on purpose). The chonga's shoe of choice is usually either the traditional black Reeboks, white Nike Air Force Ones, completely black Converse high tops, velvet black ankle boots, or the most popular, Chinese beaded slippers in the same matching color as their top. Most recently, Chongas have begun listening to reggaeton, but also enjoy rap, R&B, and the radio stations that play these genres of music. They can also be heard frequently calling these stations to make "shout-outs" to their baby daddys. The chonga may also have a special nickname for her real-life boyfriend,a chongo who may go by the name of Mauricio or Junior or Angel or Juan, but whom she affectionately calls Cio or Coco or Snickers or Scooby.Chongas may be found riding Metro buses, the chonga vehicle of choice, in groups of 4 to up to 15 of their kind, if her cousin Kenneth is not available to give her a ride to the “flea” (explained later) on the handlebars of his stolen tricycle. Chongas can be seen at the flea market (or "flea"),Dolphin Mall, roaming the streets of mostly Hialeah, around basketball courts, public parks, or in their cousin Junior’s bedroom or sometimes in creepy houses.Chongas first orginated in the 90s as a crossbreed between an undisclosed gangster rapper (a strong poll of experts believe it is James Brown) and a random Cuban or Mexican immigrant. The results was a protozoa which would be later referred to as the Raunchous Chongala or more commonly the Chonga. Scientists from the Bush Admistrative Government (AKA The Hicktown Science Teachers) who study Chongology have found that the levels of Hispanio-glycerin are especially high in the these humanlike creatures (Duh). In addition, Blackoroxide and Gangsterury are in high quantities in their blood. This further proves the theory previously stated, telling us that Chongas have Hispanic descents, but are influenced by the Gangster mucks they live in.
Chonga dress is very unique and easy to spot. A chonga will usually have their hair in a half bun half down style, super tight brazillian pants, black liner on their lips and eyes, and pencil thin triangular shaped darkend eyebrows. 99.99% of the time you will see them wearing hoop earings the size of plates with their names in the center, or the names of other people which could be their boyfriend(s). The jeans MUST be lowrise, and the majority of shirts must be high enough so their fleshy navels are shown. Chongas are known for wearing brandname sneakers, examples are reebok, converse, nike, and jordans they borrowed from their cousins because these shoes are not sold at the flea market, not the real ones anyway.
Chongas have a very distinct form of speech, a cross between poorly imitated black slang and a thick Spanish accent, which emphasizes on the vowels. Some chongas even speak entirely in Spanglish. Here are some sample sentences, and how they would be pronounced in Chonga:
- Eyy yu no daa kih in fahrs pihreeuh OMAIIGA daaaaaaaaaaaaam he faaeeen! (Hey, you know that kid in first period, oh my God, damn hes fine!)
- Eyy yu go-eentu Maariisleyseesiz quinceson Fraidei? (Hey,are you going to Marisleysises quince on Friday?)
- O HELLNAA bish Ima beesho azz, waash! OMAIIGAA! (Oh hell no bitch, i'm going to beat your ass, watch! Oh my God!)
Chonga Writing[edit]
The Chonga also has a distinct form of writing as well, whether it be on bathroom stalls or their Myspace pages. A typical chonga-vandalized school bathroom stall (or wall, or classroom desk, or school bus seat, or most any other form of public property) would consist of poorly imitated graffiti in permanent marker or whiteout, usually insulting a rival chonga, warning fellow chongas to Bak da Fuk Off, claiming a fantasy crush, (for example Nelly, Bow Wow, Chris Brown, Ludacris, Chingy, Lil Wayne, Daddy Yankee, etc., referring to themselves as the rappers wifey or baby girl or fine Rican mami), or simply tagging, using nicknames such as Baby Girl or Brownie or Tweety or Rican Mami.
However, being the unique individuals they are, they tend to write Fs backwards, I's (ii) double, S's accompanied by a Z (Sz), and when typing, lowercase qs substituted for gs (BaBii qiiRl) or 3s for es (N3LLySzi RiiCaN PRiiNC3Sz). Examples of this (written either on public property or online) would be: N3LLySz LiiL WiiF3y N-MiiSz Tw33Ty N- MiiSz Ch33n@h--> Yall hATaSz BaKK oFF,LuDaSz BaBii qURl,Tw33Ty N SzNiicK3rSz
JU TINK JUR HAWWTT BUTTT CHUU NAT AIGHT? (you think you're hot but you're not all right?)
Chonga Culture[edit]
The essential wardrobe of a The suit is made even more chonga by a pronounced cameltoe emanating from their nether regions. This is what led Steven Hawking to his triumphant discovery of black holes, after seeing the camletoe of a chonga in his neighbourhood he was convinced that such a physical improbability had to exist. It is now a pillar of modern science.
The chonga may also have a special nickname for her real-life boyfriend,a chongo (filete, pappi chulo) who may go by the name of Mauricio or Junior or Angel or Juan, but whom she affectionately calls Cio or Coco or Snickers or Scooby. Chongas may be found riding Metro buses, the chonga vehicle of choice, in groups of 4 to up to 15 of their kind, if her cousin Kenneth is not available to give her a ride to the flea (explained later) on the handlebars of his stolen tricycle. Chongas can be seen at the flea market (or "flea"), Dolphin Mall, Westland Mall, roaming the streets of Hialeah, Calle Ocho, around basketball courts, public parks, or in their cousin Junior's bedroom.anaudGEUAWh h awhe
The Flea Market is actually a temple of worship created by the most famous Chonga, Charo (For more information on The Flea Market, please see List Of Things Christians Worship Other Than God). It started off as Maria Coochifrita Consuela Charo Baro Maro's Trading Post, but was quickly shortened to the Flea Market because of the amount of fleas there, since all the Chongas brought their Chiuahahas and Pitbulls. Of course, Chongas love to nickname things, so it was FURTHER shortened to The Flea. Scientists from The Bush Administrative Office believe the next generation of Chonga will simply call it "The".
Chongas can vary from teenagers to grown married woman to 90 year old abuelas, grandmas, or "MA R3AL OL' qURL".
Teenage chongas usually apply gel in their hair several times throughout the day going through several bottles within an hour. As a matter of fact 89% of teenage chonga's say all they have in their schoolbags are bottles of gel, their cellphones, eyeliner, lipgloss, sharpies (for vandalizing bathrooms, textbooks, desks, etc.), multicolored highlighters (for writing colorful notes to their boyfriend(s), and bus fare. Chonga hair must have that wet scrunched look around the clock, if not, they let out a shrill scream saying "Adiooooo meooooooo!! Ma hurrrrrrrrrrr!" And the gelling process continues. Teenage chongas are also known for texting their boyfriends in class, doing poorly in school and receiving several detentions. Some times the chonga gets so angry for receiving the detention, she curses out the teacher pointing her rhinestoned acryllic nails in their faces and simply walks out of class while applying more gel to her hair. They also like to copy homework when they realize risking a bad grade means getting a call from the teacher to their pregnant single chonga mother.
Older adult chongas are like teenage chongas, except instead of cursing out teachers with their rhinestoned acryllic nails, they curse out gas station cashiers, have boob implants, and are too lazy to apply lipgloss or lipstick so they just apply lipliner.
Fashion is incredibly important to the Chonga. In fact, Chongas have been known to go on drive-by's shooting "Dat Gurrrl From Firrrst Periud Who Stole Mah Fxckin' Dress Cuz She Don'knowsheet".
Many Chongas like to wear tight pants called "Brazillian Pants". They come in many colors, and full fledged Chongas wear the bright red ones with the fading at the knee and rhinestones down the seams. Popular belief is that these pants are made out of synthetic stretch fabrics. But studies from Finland (AKA The People Dat DoKnowSheet) say that pants are actually painted on everyday, which explains how they can become very tight and not cause the wearer of these pants to asplode.
To properly proportion the tight pants they wear, Chongas wear even tighter shirts, or sometimes jerseys from their favorite basketball teams. Then, to complete any look, you need a baseball hat from the Yankees, even if you are wearing a basketball jersey. The Yankees are the Evangelists of the Chongas extremist Christian cult. If you don't own three Yankee hats, you can be tried for heresy. Other accessories include giant hoop earrings (Duh), clunky gold jewlery, bangles, etc.
Makeup is another issue. Most Chongas are mistaken for Carnies, because of the huge amount of makeup they use. Pinks and blacks are the most common, but blue, red, green, and even plaid have been used. There's a misconception about the lipliner used by a Chonga. The truths are that lipliner is outrageously thick, and that is equally dark. But it is not sharpie. It is actually what happens when you eat too many rice and beans from your Mami's house.
Chongas listen to rap and reggaeton, the latter being a rap for all Chongas who cannot speak English.
There is a new breed of chonga evolving in Miami. Those that live in the nicer, recently made houses in the suburbs. These chongas, although having been raised in a lower/middle-class neighboorhood, have recently moved to a nicer house as they are "moving on up," but have difficulty transitioning into a preppy lifestyle. They wear staple American preppy clothing, such as Hollister and American Eagle clothing, but still wear their gold hoop earrings and talk in a loud, flamboyant Hispanic accent. They have their own cars, but use them to travel to ghetto parties where they drink alcohol illegally and end up being caught in a shoot-out. These are the pretty girls you see with the crackheads and think "WTF!?"
Some relatives to the American Chonga include the Wigger and the British Chavette.
Almost all chongas have some sort of online profile, MySpace, Facebook, etc. A common chonga profile will contain a display name of *~BABii ANG3L qURL~* AkA TiiNk3Rb3ll Co0kii3 and a url of http://www.myspace.com/hialeahlatinaangel. Headlines may be "TO ALL MA HATAZ R3ADiiN THiiS YUH B3TTA BAK DA FUK OFF CUZ I iZ B3 2 FLY FO DAT SH33T DAWqq AND STOP SiiPPiiN ON DAT HATARAD3 BiiHH!!! She will have several albums, some titled saying pictures of her only, new pictures of her only, sexy pictures of her only, first day of school pictures of her only, an albulm titled 'M3 AND MA PAPii <3', and several other albums showing her and 8-17 of her other chonga friends at Muvico, which may be titled "MA RiiD3 oR Dii3 NiiqqAs". There may be another album titled "Mii FUTUR3 HuBbii3z" containing pictures of several famous rap stars and reggaeton artists like Pitbull, Daddy Yankee, Lil Wayne, and anyone else with a grill, tatoos, Oakleys, and bullet scars.
Almost all chonga pictures have her sticking her butt out, holding up her middle finger while pointing out her orange and black Jordans, leaning over her bathroom sink with a camera or cellphone in one hand with a blinding flash, or pointing up the 'peace' sign while pushing her lips out as much as they can.
The Chonga in Television/Media[edit]
The popular sketch-comedy show "MadTV" had a sketch during the late 90s-early 00s where actresses Debrah Wilson and Nicole Sullivan portrayed "Lida and Melina". These characters fit into the Chonga stereotype perfectly.
In Miami, there is a popular Chonga Radio Personality that goes by the name of Lucy Lopez. Ms. Lopez can be found during the afternoon show in WPOW, also known as Power 96.
In 2007, a viral video called "Chongalicious" was created, the video features two girls dressed as chongas singing lyrics that describe/mock chongas to the tune of Fergie's hit, "Fergalicious", which received immense popularity. The song received airplay in Miami's radio station, Power 96.
A report on chongas appeared on the show "Cristina" on Univision on January 26, 2009.
Trivia[edit]
- Chongas can lose their virginity to tampons (explanation to a white person: chonga mothers don't let chongas use tampons because it's considered "losing your virginity").
But also chongas can lose their virginity by having sex with a cholo or chongo.
Sexuality[edit]
- Chongas are very sexual; they have sex every day. The mothers of Chongas don't want them to use tampons because they fear the tampon is going to take their virginity, but really, no chongas are virgins. 90% percent of chongas lose their virginity at the age of 13 to young boys. Chongas are very, very easy to have sex with, even though they have a preference regarding their choice of sexual partners, usually consisting of said cholos or chongos. Since their parents want them to be virgins, most of them do not participate in vaginal sex. Chongas, however, do give oral sex.
Chongo[edit]
A Chongo is a male chonga. Chongo's are known to be young Hispanic males, around the same age as a Chonga. They wear t-shirts with baggy pants that reveal their underpants. Chongo's live in the same location as Chongas (Mainly in the Miami/Hialeah areas). Most of them speak street slang with an accent. Some sayings include "WUS UP WIT YOU GUY,DALLA", "WUS UP MY NIGGY". They wear chains on their necks with watches. Chongo's also have greasy hair, and somtimes they have braids like black guys. It's believed that they are commonly Chonga's baby daddies.