Cat language
Formal name: Meow tongue Colloquial name: The Cat Language | |||||
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| Dialects: 3 | |||||
| Created: 800,000,000,000 B.C | |||||
| most commonly used | Cat Nation (and random areas in the world. only cats can speak it.) | ||||
| Origin | Catrock (Capital city of cat nation) | ||||
| Official users | all cats | ||||
The Cat Language (Cat tongue) was created exclusively by cats. many people think its the best language in the whole world, and is one of the most easy and simple languages. In fact it is the complete opposite. "The cat language is very complicated", says a cat named Babo Meowzers,"No human could ever learn it because they are stupid monkey faces." Meow Tongue has 3 different dialects: Meow, Tse,and Tung.
King George Bush the Dicktator of Texas has recently decided that this language is real sinse we hear this meowing all the time from cats.
Meow Tongue apparently only took 3 minutes to create but is also claimed to be the hardest language to learn.
Quotes By Cats:
Dummy Humans can't learn Cat Tongue! They dummys!
some old lady cat.
I say You dum dum to human so funny haha!
cat CEO of the catmade company Meow Mix.
Dialects[edit]
There are three specific dialects: Meow, Tse, and Tung. The Meow dialect consists of--as well as can be written--"meows" and "miaows." This is the most common spoken dialect. The Tse dialect is communicated through a series of vibrations that can sometimes be interpreted as "purrs." The Tung dialect is unpopular in cat circles. Felines who use this unfortunate dialect are often picked on, since the Tung dialect is essentially comprised of what is colloquially called "squeaks." In an inexplicable coincidence, the dialects can be arranged in a certain order to spell "Meow Tse-Tung," which happens to be the name of the second Great Emperor of the Cats (the first ruler was excommunicated after delivering a speech in the Tung dialect).
Native extinct dialects[edit]
There used to be about 900,000,000,000,000 different dialects of the native cats called "dirty whiskaz" in the history books in the cat nation. But they were all killled and destroyed along with the natives. You see, Meow Tse-Tung at that time was trying to find new territory for cats (the old territory was invaded by dogs). When Meow Tse-Tung discovered a land full of "evil monster kitties", he had his army ransack and burn down every single native village and all the language books and culture books. Meow Tse-Tung quoted, "I killed all the savages because they were indecent inbred atrocious horrific uncivilized beastly creatures." Nobody knows anyof the different native dialects because well, of course, it was all burned but experts beleive, even though of how Meow Tse-Tung talks of their languages, that Meow Tse-Tung incorporated some of these dialects into Meow Tongue because their languages were much more advanced than Meow Tongue, even though Meow Tse-Tung starts cussing you out if you ask him.
Origin[edit]
The cats say that the origin of the Meow Tongue is that it was created in the capital city, Catrock. They say that everyone got together and brainstormed for a couple of minutes, sending psychic messages to each others' brains because they are so genius. And then they had the whole language planed out so they made a dictionary and language books. Then, a cat named Hiss Meowmix Fleabag, hired a local cat wizard named Scratchy Gato Chikin-Turkey Meowmeow to enchant all cats so that the second they are born, they know every single word.
About three years later from when he did that, Scratchy Gato Chikin-Turkey Meowmeow was awarded and promoted to King of all wizard kitties and still lives today. You can see him and his big statue if you travel to the cat Nation, go to Catrock, and visit the cat temple, but you will probably definitely get shot or something. (DURR DA DURR!! haven't you read this article? of course they'll shoot you, hang your dead body from a giant pole, burn your dead body and video tape it, then send the video as a threat to the U.S.)
Useful phrases[edit]
We have managed to gather up some useful phrases in The Cat Language. It is very hard to translate Meow Tongue into english so this might not be 100% accurate. only a couple of cats have ever taught us about Meow Tongue, but that is because Opra Winfrey hypnotised them by with her evil stareing rays she uses on television. (note: the Meow Tongue is very odd language that doesn't make much sense to anyone else besides cats.
meowu'_meow'is_"meowso +:(_m,eowstu_-=:)meow{pid. = hello, how are you?
meowfu>_;(meowk =)meowu_<'meow^bih>_< meow*ich! = where's the toilet?
meo'wu_meow-as/_$meow.ho_!meow+ol!!!!! = bye.
[please note that this is just romanized cat language (sounds written with english letters and symbols)]
That's all the phrases we managed to get. we had to get the cats we had hypnotised drugged up on Catnip once they woke up so that we could return them to the Cat Nation without them conciencely knowing they ever left. (Opra's hypnotize stare only works once every 24 hours.)