Canadian Idiot
Canadian Idiot is the seventh studio album from suddenly political band Green Day. The album contains thirteen different tracks and was a huge success in America where idiots everywhere forgot that they were Americans and came together to repeatedly insult themselves in large masses.
Tracks[edit]
- Canadian Idiot: Despite its name this song actually talks about how terrible America is. The name was used to throw off Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity so they would not have to dedicate hour-long shows to defend America. It was the album's first single, and radio stations were forced to play it or automated missiles would launch into their stations and kill everyone. Weird Al was incredibly pissed off about this track because it was the exact same title and tune as his track Canadian Idiot where he insults one of the most vulnerable nations in the world by poking fun at moose.
- Graffin of Suburbia: Actually stolen from a Bad Religion album Graffin of Suburbia is about a kid who hates America almost as much as Green Day so he spits on Synagogues burns downs Mosques and then blames his mother which leaves him with enough time to steal her car, have a bass solo?, and beat the shit out of a kid in the parking lot of a seven eleven. Seven Eleven commented on the song saying, "We do not condone human fighting in front of the store, only cock fighting behind the store." Radio stations had to stop this song for intermission while playing it because it was so unnecessarily long that people would need bathroom breaks during it.
- Holiday: Holiday was the albums fifteenth single and the tenth to reach number one on the charts. This is probably due to its bridge where lead singer Armstrong admits to being a Nazi and then threatens different classes of Americans with the horrid demises they would all meet if he was elected president. He played the song before his debates during his 2004 campaign.
- Boulevard of Broken Songs: This is the albums second single and third attempt at plagiarism, while Canadian Idiot and Graffin of Suburbia were good attempts this song was more obviously stolen from Oasis, and their front-man who apparently still exists wasn't happy about it. Unfortunately, since Green Day is so popular they hired some lackeys to rape Oasis and then dump them in a pit of lava ending the controversy. It is suspected that lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong was having sex during this song because he repeatedly screams "Ahhh Aaahhhh!" after nearly every line.
- Are We the Walrus: Stolen from the Beatles Are We The Walrus questions whether or not we really are the egg man or if they're the egg men or if we are the walrus goo goo gla joob. It's apparently part of Graffin of Suburbia's story because he confused if he should listen to John Lennon or Richard Nixon.
- St. Jimmy: Apparently Green Day got confused about what a saint and demon are because St. Jimmy is like that kid from the Omen. He lives on the streets smokes and drinks coffee, which is pretty bad-ass if you're mainstream these days. Anyway this is about Graffin siding with Nixon and turning into St. Jimmy or as he prefers Darth Nixon. He threatens to shoot hot dog venders and then cries himself to sleep at night in alley ways.
- Give Me Morphine: Darth Nixon becomes addicted to drugs and he's not sure how because all he does is smoke them inhale them snort them eat them and sell them. He says drugs make him feel good because they give him a tingly sensation, so he goes to Drug Lord George Lopez and deports him because he has no green card then he steals all of his drugs.
- She's A Wrestler: Darth Nixon is so pathetic now that he wants to date a female wrestler which is only one step above dating a WNBA player. The wrestler likes to beat the shit out of innocent people who walk down the street too, so Graffin decides to bag her and keep her for later.
- Extraordinary Girl: This song is what Darth Nixon sings loudly as he walks down the street to keep the police from hearing the wrestler scream rape at the top of her lungs.
Along with Canadian Idiot, Green Day also included Wikipedian Idiot as a hidden track in the album. Lyrics by Jimbo Wales. - Letterbomb: Darth Nixon reaches his destination so he unties his victim, then he asks her to marry him, and just like all people who have been sexually assaulted and are now with the person who violated them she wags her finger at him and then writes him a very stern letter politely declining his offer. Darth Nixon is confused because he did everything the gangsters told him to.
- Wake Me Up When This Album Ends: This song is not connected to the album or Darth Nixon, but instead about Billie Joe Armstrong whining that the album is taking to long "Like the other bands come to pass, twenty years have gone so fast, wake me up when this album ends."
- Homecoming: With Billie Joe gone out of boredom it is now up to Mike Dirnt and Tre Cool to finish the album, so they decide to write a much suckier nine minute song, and they let Tre sing which spelled the song's demise. In this song the Graffin of Suburbia somehow kills Darth Nixon but not himself, (I know it's more confusing than the last Harry Potter.) Then he decides to go to Starbucks and buy ten cups of coffee, then Tre Cool says he is a rock'n'roll drummer, and then the Graffin of Suburbia goes home.
- Whothehellwasthatchick: Mike and Tre then decide to wrap the story up by writing a song about how they don't know the name of the wrestler who exited the story three songs ago. In the song Graffin of Suburbia decides that he will always learn the names of the women he assaults from now on so he can go online, find their addresses, and rape them again.
Confusion[edit]
The ending of the album confused everyone so much that Green Day decided to never play the final two songs again. Billie Joe was quoted as saying, "You see this is why I write the songs. No one even knows what those two are saying." When asked about their songs Mike remained mute and Tre made a farting sound followed by a sex joke.
Certification[edit]
Everyone loved the album because it was funny so they had to make a new certification for it, surpassing diamond, Canadian Idiot was certified as Jesus because even Jesus couldn't deny he liked it.
Presidency[edit]
This album somehow won Green Day the 2004 election. Green Day was only president for one day though, however, they managed to create world peace, save the planet, end racism and nuke the Death Star. This 25-hour presidency has been stated as the inspiration for "King for a Day" which is about Billie Joe streaking through the White House.
Rivalry[edit]
After they created Canadian Idiot, American Make-up models The Jonas Brothers called Green Day "...big meanheads that shouldn't sell music to four year old girls". Billie Joe Armstrong responded that Green Day wasn't targeting that demographic, but the Jonas Sisters (following their sex change) weren't happy. They showed up in the Bay Area with what appeared to be guns and broke into Green Day's house. The Jonas Sisters fired their 21 water guns at Green Day and then were subsequently shot and killed by Tre Cool. Instead of convicting him of murder a Grand Jury thanked Tre Cool and awarded him a medal of honor for ending the Jonas Sisters monopoly on the make up industry. Three five-year-olds were upset.