Answers in Genesis
Answers in Genesis is a satirical Christian ministry that parodies the genuine Pastafarian ministry Answers in the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It aims to portray Christians as mouth breathing, arm swinging retards who sit on their high horse and spend all day whining about how horrible the world is today and how oh so nice it was during the Dark Ages.
The website often has joke articles which say things like "Darwinism is the central column of laissez-faire economics and Stalinism" (capitalism and communism at the same time - I guess it's easy to hit opposite sides at the same time when you're continually beating a dead horse) and "the secular parts of the world are morally corrupt; I'd much rather live in Saudi Arabia than in France". Sarcastic comments like this are made by world renowned stand up comedian, Oxford nerd and atheist Richard Dawkins.
Some Christians complain about how they are made to look like umpa lumpas high on superglue who have just left a mental institute in lah lah land, but the website's creators insist it's all the name of comedy.
History of AiG[edit]
AiG began in the famous Oxford comedy club Moe's Tavern. Richard Dawkin's became pissed off with various people who always criticized his work and or made him look like an idiot. (Guardian journalists, anti-evolutionists, creationists and scientifically illiterate yuppies) Richard decided that Christians would be the best target since they got most angry when he made fun of them. Muslims get even more pissed off, but they have a habit of starting world wars when people make fun of them.
Richard's best friend and fellow comedian Homer Simpson, also known as Springfield Man and Homo Simpsian soon joined in with his trademark American style of humor. (This is of course spelled that way) Homer was even more sarcastic than Richard in his sketches. The quote below is from a well known sketch performed by Homer:
| “ | If you want to talk about bullshit, I mean big time major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe at religion. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man – living in the sky – who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, He has a special place, full of fire and smoke and torture and anguish, where He will send you to live forever and ever ‘til the end of time…… but He loves you! | ” |
(Note: Actual writer of above quote was George Carlin, comedian.)
Recurring themes[edit]
Patheticism[edit]
Patheticism is the act of spewing ad hominem attacks, not worthy of a pair of 9-year-old schoolboys, at people who don’t know and or care that the attacks are being made. The term Patheticism was first coined by an angry journalist from the Guardian when Margaret Thatcher became prime minister. The word was forgotten about until 20 years later when Richard Dawkins felt like making fun of Christians by implying that every one of them believed the moon emitted light; hence the birth of Answers in Genesis and patheticism.
The comments made on their website take Patheticism to unrealistic limits that very few Patheticism proponents, also known as politicians, take it. An example of one of the cartoonish comments made by this website is:
| “ | Darwinism can be used to back up two mad moralities, but it cannot be used to back up a single sane one. The kinship and competition of all living creatures can be used as a reason for being insanely cruel or insanely sentimental; but not for a healthy love of animals … That you and a tiger are one may be a reason for being tender to a tiger. Or it may be a reason for being cruel as the tiger. It is one way to train the tiger to imitate you, it is a shorter way to imitate the tiger. But in neither case does evolution tell you how to treat a tiger reasonably, that is, to admire his stripes while avoiding his claws. | ” |
This was later turned into a song about tigers by the website’s parody of a Christian rock band, Dio. They called the song Holy Diver. Daft lyrics included: “like a tiger, you can wipe his arse but you know he’s clean, some truths can never be seen”. Here is another quote which mocks the claim "who made God". Richard gives this funny comment:
| “ | When Christians claim that the God of the Bible created the entire universe, some will ask what seems a logical question, namely “Where did God come from?” The Bible makes it clear in many places that God is outside of time. He is eternal, with no beginning or end—He is infinite! He also knows all things, being infinitely intelligent. | ” |
Sometimes Richard and his pals at AiG make fun of the fact that “After Eden” (when Adam and Eve where kicked out of paradise for eating an unspecified fruit) Cain killed his brother because he was jealous of him. This is a bit of an embarrassment for people who use ancient fairy tales to preach the moral high ground with regard to “family values” and he often rubs it in using the After Eden comic strip series. Since the first verse of Genesis contradicts itself and contradicts kindergarten level science on at least 42 occasions he often makes fun of that too.
Evolution[edit]
The website's founder, Richard Dawkins, often makes fun of the brain-dead riff raff that wish to teach unpleasant Iron Age tales about rape and murder as scientific fact. Richard claims on the website that he has made a "Creation Museum" which tells young children that Noah, before turning his son into a slave, carried all the dinosaurs on his ark by only carrying babies. Richard made up this daft "Creation Museum" in response to something he found in a "science" textbook from a Christian school in London. (This had a headmaster who said he’d become a paedophile if he realized God didn’t exist. Where's the paedofinder general when you need him?)
| “ | I was reading through your textbook on science and I was taken aback when I suddenly started reading about Noah's ark; I mean, what the fuck does that have to do with a science lesson in a 21st Century developed country like ours? | ” |
Ad hominem attacks[edit]
Anti-evolutionists don't have a scientific leg to stand on so their only option is a string of pathetic ad hominem attacks against people who do understand evolution. Richard takes this to the next level with the unbelievable comments made on AiG: pretty much "you're Hitler, you're Hitler, you're Hitler" throughout. They even tried to toilet fish articles on Grundy County, Illinois' The Tully Monster. They accuse theistic evolutionists of this as well, Pat Robertson who coined Vomit Button to shut up.
Bullshit[edit]
If the written bullshit present on the AiG website was transformed into physical bullshit and spread equally around the moon it would increase its mass to the point that it would spiral in toward the earth and would make the landfill site of New Jersey smell like a rose garden. This is central to many forms of British humour.
Most of the admittedly crude humour comes from the meaningless crud on the website; often unchanging from one article to the next. Even though the articles are apparently unchanging in content and subject, Richard's clever comedy style makes them become more and more ridiculous hence keeping the comedy fresh.
Extreme sarcasm[edit]
Brits, of course, are well known for their sarcastic nature. If you ever visit England then you must assume they are being sarcastic in everything they say. Richard takes sarcasm to a level alien even to people of the UK.
| “ | Adolf Hitler had an astute understanding of evolution - since he believed Aryan Christians were descended from Adam and Eve. Hitler was a devout atheist and every atrocity in WWII, often driven by the belief that Aryan Christians were superior to Jews, were committed in the name of atheism. | ” |
Extreme sarcasm like this even makes people of the UK blush.
Controversy and criticisms[edit]
Many Christians get frustrated by the way the website portrays them as having less sense then a mentally handicapped cuckoo clock on smack, and they feel that the meaningless comment about tigers took things too far. The website’s creator, practical joke maestro and well known atheist Richard Dawkins, had this to say:
| “ | I admit that I take some comments in the realm of the religious extremists of lah lah land, but us Brits see humour in everything; we call it wit. I’m sorry if I offend any normal Christians by making ridiculous, internally contradictory and incoherent comments like the one above, but I and my friends at Moe’s Tavern like Barney and Homer just see it as fun. | ” |
To make up for his silly comment, he posted a letter that a Christian sent in to show that most of them (in England, at least) do have more sense than Boris Johnson after a Conservative Party stag night.
- Well Prof. Dawkins thanks for creating your stupid website, now the whole world thinks all Christians are high on crack and just as high on themselves. I mean, what the hell were you thinking with that mindless comment about tigers? I and my normal Christian friends were not amused. Oh and by the way, not all Christians believe that God invented vegetation before inventing the sun.
- We all understand evolution and realize that the story about people eating fruit from a tree on the instruction of a talking snake with legs is not a scientific theory.
- Please publish my letter on your stupid website to prove that at least some Christians have brains and realize this is the 21st, not the 1st century. Thank you.