A-Rod
Greetings Michael Kay! Greetings Ken Singleton! Greetings YES Network! Agreed, Mr. Kay; it is a wonderful day for the wonderful sport of baseball! In particular, it's a beautiful day for New York Yankees baseball!
Ahh, the sun is shiny! I feel so excited and refreshed. We're facing the Oakland Athletics today, so there shouldn't be too much to worry about. We also have Phil Hughes on the mound for our team. Hughes is an excellent young pitcher, and he's won his last 4 games.
I look forward, most of all, to A-Rod having an impact today. A-Rod is, of course, an excellent hitter. Last night he went 3-for-4 with 5 RBIs, including a home run! Isn't that exciting? I think that's exciting!
A-Roid has 13 home runs and May isn't even over! That spells 50 homers again, doesn't it?
A-Ro(i)d's First At Bat[edit]
Hughes had a 1-2-3 first, which is good. There are now 2 runners on with one out and Chad Gaudin is pitching. Guess who's coming to the plate? A-Rod is! YAAAAY!
The first pitch is a strike. A 93 MPH fastball on the inside corner. I'd let that go too.
2nd pitch is a strike as well. Another fastball, this one 92 near the middle of the plate. I'd swing too, but hey, A-Rod is A-Rod!
Oof. He struck out. It looked like a splitter there. That was a good pitch, going into the dirt and everything. It was pretty hard to hit. Gaudin has good stuff. How else do you strike out such a majestic hitter such as Alex Rodriguez?
I'm looking at the replay, and I see why he swung and missed. That looked like a fastball and dipped.
WE FORGIVE YOU, A-ROD! YAAAAAAAAY!
A-Ro(i)d's Second At Bat[edit]
It's 6-0 Yankees; Cano rocks; and they knocked Gaudin out of the game. Joey Devine, the sidearmer, is pitching and guess who's taking his second hacks! That's right; the Super Slugger, Mr. Moneyball, Alexander Emmanuel Rodriguez! Alex struck out his first time and looks to redeem himself. This pitcher, Joey Devine, seems like the perfect pitcher to serve a homer to Alex.
The first pitch to A-Rod and-- what's this? A popup? Oh, A-Rod, how could you?
A high fastball out of the strike zone! What're you doing swinging at the first pitch? It wasn't even a strike! Come on, Alex! You're so much better than this. I'm disappointed.
On the other hand, it was a tricky pitch coming out of the pitcher's hand, considering this pitcher has an odd throwing motion. It looked good until it was too late.
WE BELIEVE, A-ROD! YAAAAAAY!
What's with all the boos over there at Yankee Stadium? Seriously, every hitter goes into a slump at some point. Besides, Alex has 2 or 3 more times to hit!
A-Rod's Fielding Error[edit]
It was a hard hit ball. A-Rod put his glove down, but...
IT WENT RIGHT THROUGH HIS LEGS! WAAAAAHHH!
That was a fairly easy play to make, Mr. Rodriguez. Seriously, you put your glove down, grab the ball, and throw to first for the out. Come on...
My faith in Alex Rodriguez is slowly but surely deteriorating. PLEASE, A-Rod, give me a sign that you're not slumping! This newfound slump is awakening an anger in me that has been locked away for years now.
A-Ro(i)d's 3rd At Bat[edit]
Bases are empty right now. It's 10 to 0 Yankees; Phil Hughes has struck out 10 batters, Jeter had a two-run double, Abreu hit a home run... but that isn't important. What's important is that A-Rod erases his non-hit night with a hit. The whole crowd must be nervous... as I am right now.
Alan Embree, a lefty, is on the mound. He's got a good fastball, but if he hangs a change-up or something, or throws a high fastball A-Rod can HIT IT!
First pitch is a strike. It was a good pitch; besides, no-one wants to make a first pitch out.
Second pitch is another fastball, fouled off. He looks really focused, I think he's gonna hit a home run very soon!
... OH COME ON!
How do you take THAT pitch? A slider almost RIGHT down the middle of the plate. Geez... A-Rod's officially slumping. Call the cops, go tell it on the mountain, whatever. A-Rod is 0-for-3!
HOW COULD THIS BE HAPPENING?!
A-Ro(i)d's 4th At Bat[edit]
He might not have hits in his last 3 at bats, but in this 4th one, he's gonna get a hit. I just know it; there's a runner on 3rd base and only 1 out. There's no way he's not gonna get a hit. He's such an amazing hitter in clutch situations!
First pitch from the new pitcher Santiago Casilla is a fastball for a strike. Geez... I have a worse feeling now. Come on A-Rod, we're pulling for you...
...SHOOT!HE CAUGHT THE LINE DRIVE! Why would you even THINK of doing that to A-Rod, the Super Slugger, Alexander the Great, Mr. Moneyball, the Prince of Big Flies, the Second Sultan of Swat, ALEX RODRIGUEZ?!