Uncyclopedia:Magic words
A "magic word" is a word, or a series of words that when put into play cause the world around you to conform to your commands and needs. The same is true on Uncyclopedia - there are magic words which will get you exactly what you want, providing you are brave enough to ask for them, and bold enough to actually place them in play. For newbie's, this concept may be easily understood, but difficult because you are familiar enough with Wiki way of doing things, or you may be a complete retard. In either case, learning this words and phrases may help you get what you want, what you need, or in extreme measures, what you deserve.
Lesson 1, the simple stuff[edit]
Uncyclopedia is primarly, for the beginner, a medium of written word, non sequitors and code, which together help you form the basic building blocks of communication.
If you need something in italics simply type the magic words (pretend that you see italics start here) then add your word(s) that you need to be emphasized and when you are done with the italics to read (italics end here) There, wasn't that simple? Doing this will cause the readers brain to magicly apply italics to the text that you require. Don't worry about the comments in parathesis; this is a magical page. On a real page, the command in parathesis will disappear.
Now, if you need something in Bold do the exact same thing, remembering to have the command before the text begins and the command after the text ends. Simple, huh?
Lesson 2, intermediate stuff[edit]
Lets say that you are from the United Kingdom and you don't understand the idea of Cricket, or what a bonnet is on a car. Worse yet you have no idea what an article means because its written by someone from the UK and the English is fucked up ("s"'s instead of "z"'s, etc. Simply go to the article, click the Edit function, and then highlight the text in the edit box. Now hit the delete key on your key board. The screen should go blank - like magic! Now in the Summary box, type the following magic words: "This article was just too British and unfunny to boot.
In about five minutes you'll find that there are plenty of people who are willing to enlighten you on the concept of British humour. Neat, huh?
Lesson 3, important stuff[edit]
Another magic word is your name. Don't believe me? Well try this: Type your name in the search box to the left and press Go in the button below. Uncyclopedia's magic button will take you to a page that will say that such a page doesn't exist. Would you like to create it? the site will ask. Click on that red link and then create you very own Uncyclopedia article all about you. Pour your heart and soul into it - you can tell it anything. Don't believe me?
- Try typing in the name of the person that you would just die if they asked you out, and include their home phone number. About five minutes after you save the page you'll be getting a call from them. Thats right - the magic word save will result in you getting a call from the cutest guy or the hottest girl in your school! Yesterday they had no idea that you existed, but soon, they'll want to know what is going on with you!
- Try typing in your biggest sexual fetish, along with your home phone number and in a matter of hours, you find yourself with someone who is ready to play out that fantasy with you, no matter how perverse.
Lesson 4, other magic phrases guarenteed by Uncyclopedia to work in your favor[edit]
You can take Uncyclopedia's magic words with you when you travel, and see things that you have never seen before:
- If you asked to see the security office in an airport, you would probably get laughed at, or at the very least, told to "move along". Of course you would never carry anything illegal onto a plane - it would be madness! So when boarding an airliner, whisper the phrase "I have a sharp knife in my carry on" to the stewardess and you'll be magically transported to the security office in no time at all!
- Have you ever seen how one black person can call another black person a "nigger" and get away with it? We don't recommend that you try it with strangers, but if you work for a person of color, you can feel comfortable in knowing that its "OK" to walk up to him or her and say "Nigger what up?" and then lose your job! Its true! You can also call him or her a "spear chucker" and before you know it your feet will be propelling you forward at a great rate of speed. Works everytime!
Lesson 5, in the chat room[edit]
When in the chat room, there are several magical phrases that will get you exactly what you are asking for:
- The phrase "I'm a loser - a pathetic loser" will get you both pity and give your fellow chat room mates a good laugh.
- The phrase "I just listed my own article to VFH, and I really need all of you to vote for it" will either earn you pity, or scorn - IMAGINE THAT! Because the fates are cruel, we can not predict what will happen, if anything will. But its worth a try.
Conclusion[edit]
In closing, remember, its not what you know that matters on Uncyclopedia, but who you are supplying with drugs and what lengths your willing to put out for that count the greatest.