UnPoetia:Wuz da Nite Befo Crimmus

Poetry for people who hate poetry

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus

An' all ober de hood

ereybody wuz sleepin'

Dey wuz sleepin' real good.

We hunged up our stockings

And hoped like de heck

That ol' Sanna Claus

Be bringin' our chek!

All o' de fambly

Wuz layin' in de beds

While Ripple and Thunderbird

Dance tru dey heads.

I passed out in de flo

Right next to my maw

When I heard sech a fuss, I thunk

"It must be de law!"

I looked out through de bars

What covered my doe

Spectin' de sheriff

Wif a warrant fo sho!

And what did I see?

I said, "Lawd, look at dat!"

Ther' wuz a huge watta-melon

Pulled by giant warf rats!

Now ober all de years

Sanna Claus, he be white

But, looks like us bros

Gets a black Sanna dis night.

Faster dan a po'lees car;

My home boy, he came.

He whupped on dem warf rats

And called dem by name!

On Leroy, on 'lonzo,

And on Willie Lee,

On Saphire, on Chenequa;

Dey wuz a site to see!

As he landed dat watta-melon

Out der in de skreet

I knowed fo sho

Da damndest site I ebber did see!

He didn't go down no chimbley;

He picked da lock on my doe.

And I sez to myself,

"Shit, he done dis befoe!"

He had dis big bag

Full of prezents I 'spect

Wid Air Jordans and fake gold

To wear 'roun my neck.

But he left no good prezents;

just started stealin' my shit.

Got my drugs, got my guns,

Even got my burglar's kit!

Wit my stuff in de bag

Out da window he flewed

I woulda tried to catch him

But he stole my knife too!

He jumped on dat watta-melon

An' whipped out a switch

He wuz gone in a secon',

dat sonuvabitch!

Next year I be hopin'

Anutha Sanna we git

Cuz diz here Sanna Claus

Just ain't werf a shit!