UnPoetia:Paradise Abridged/Book XII

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The Argument


Michael continues to relate to Man future events, is interrupted, gets fed up, and leaves.

The Verse

As one who in his journey ’bates at noon, [1]
Though bent on speed, so here the Archangel paus’d
Betwixt the world destroy’d and world restor’d,
As though to make reason for a twelfth book
So that this song th’ Aeneid resembles.[1] [5]
Michael resumed: “So Noah, all his sons,
And all their wives—” “Wait, what” said here Adam.
“You know what? Fuck it,” spake Michael, quite piss’d,
And left, leaving Adam and Eve alone.
Mankind’s first pair now speechless and upset, [10]
Their constant interruptions costing them
Once more, just as when an inattentive
Student skims ten thousand and some lines, his
Final Milton paper ass sure to suck;[2]
Some natural tears they drop’d, but wip’d them soon; [15]
The world was all before them, where to choose
Their place of rest, and Providence their guide:
They hand in hand with wand’ring steps and slow,
Through Eden took their solitary way.

Well fucking Christ, that was long.

The Annotations

  1. When Paradise Lost was reprinted in 1673 (it was first printed in 1667), the epic was extended from ten books to twelve, ostensibly because Milton was something of a Virgil fanboy and wanted his own epic to mirror Virgil’s in terms of organization.
  2. Though this may seem like a very prominent example of such, scholars—as with Milton—tend to discourage autobiographical readings of works.