UnPoetia:An Anthology of Baby and Midget Poetry

Poetry for people who hate poetry

Baby, this is stupid stuff

Baby, this is stupid stuff,
You eat your Gerbers fast enough,
You can't have had to piss 'tis clear,
The poop and pee run down your rear!

The Red Wheelbaby

so much depends
upon
a red wheel
baby
glazed with pee
water
beside the white
midgets

Ode to a Baby I Found at the Thrift Shop

Through the used shirts and used shoes and used pants stained with pee,
A sweet little baby called out to me.
With a tiny mouth these words he did sing:
"Take me to Burger King!"
I said, "Fine, baby, you can have it your way,"
And threw him in the trunk of my blue Chevrolet.
After half of an hour these words he did shout:
"We're not going to B.K. Please let me out!"
I laughed and I giggled but he started to cry,
And so to console him I had to reply,
"Whereas a Whopper will cause one's health to decay,
A baby a day keeps the doctor away."

Bakersfield

Round the cape of baby superman,
Slowly I raise the ceremonial cat.
The midgets in the alleyway mock me;
I yearn for the summer's eve in Bakersfield.

Little Black Baby Shakes His Rump

I'm a little black baby
You know it's true
I got a weiner
The size of my shoe
I pee all day
And I poop all night
In my pants
Baby, it's alright
I go to the club
To meet a bitch
Cause my baby black weiner
Has got an itch
She said "No!"
"Your only two,
I can't be seen at the bar with you!"
So I raped the bitch
And I threw her in my scooter
I was downtown
So I headed to the Hooter's
Big Old Titties
Filled with milk
I suck on one
Then I rub my silk
Blankie, that is
I'm goin full throttle
Sick of the shit
So I'm headed for the bottle
But wait, oh shit
Its Baby Grillz and he's pissed
The bitch I raped
Was the Bitch he missed
"Little black baby, Where's my mommy?"
"If you don't tell me
I'll shoot you with my Tommy."
Gun that is
"OK grillz,
Your baby threats
Have given me the chillz."
But I sucked my thumb
And I put it in his ass
That makes two
I left in the grass
(two minutes later)
But little black baby
Died, what a trip!
When he stuck his poopy finger
Between his lips

Giant Baby in Space

He bounces and giggles in zero gravity
He poops out planets, and pees the galaxies
His mommy would be so very proud
He does baby things above the clouds
He knows he has no clothes,
But he doesn't care
In space giant babies
Don't need underwear

Mighty Midget, The Marvelous Mini-Man (The Epic of Cinco de Mayo)

The Midget sweat
His muscles gleamed
And down his pants
His urine streamed

Strong as a bull
But as tiny as a baby
He lifted his weighted bottles
They used to call him J.D.

He laid down on the ground
Wearing a diaper and his mittens
And raised above his head three times
A rattle and a kitten

The Midget did his squats some more
Looking like a toddler
But when J.D. stood up tall
Upon the ground, his balls did fall

After the Midget's workout was done
He entered the bathroom with a nun
All 31 inches of his body
Dropped lifeless on the potty

In reality the baby was one-armed Arnie
A baby hero from the army
He killed J.D. while he went poo-poo
And giggled away to the tunes of Blue's Clues

And to this day, the legend of J.D. is told
A midget strong, long, and bold
Who was murdered on a horrific day
Cinco de Mayo, the Fifth of May