UnNews:Dream police arrest Cheap Trick

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-minute misinformation.

Two members of this legendary American cult band were arrested on Friday, November 2, 2012.

5 NOVEMBER 2012

Rockford, Illinois

For the past 33 years, American rock group Cheap Trick has had suspicions that the Dream Police were watching them. Last Friday, those suspicions were confirmed when Dream Police officer Randy Tulson arrested Cheap Trick singer Robin Zander and guitarist Rick Nielsen.

Said Tulson, "The reason of their arrest is because they have made no significant contributions to the world of music since 1983."

At first, that didn't like much of a crime, and in fact Cheap Trick - contrary to Tulson's statements - has made appearances at various county, state and barter fairs throughout the United States for about the last decade or so. However, when one UnNews reporter decided to go deeper into this statement, Tulson said, "We are the Dream Police. And as we all know, things are a little bit crazier in dreams. So, since we only cover crimes in dreams, we had to arrest Cheap Trick because they did not play music for us in our dreams, and they knew from the beginning that we were keeping a close eye on them."

We had the luck of visiting Nielsen and Zander whilst they were in prison. Nielsen said to the UnNews team, "This is a load of bull-crap. First of all, we have made more contributions to the world of music since 1983 than the entire Dream Police force could ever imagine, which is actually quite a bit. Secondly and more importantly, we're innocent and I believe that the Dream Police should devote their time to better things, like arresting Freddy Krueger, as he has made more dream crimes within the snap of a finger than I could ever in my entire lifetime."

When asked about his odd and sudden arrest, singer Robin Zander simply explained with these words, "They're waiting for me, they're looking for me every single night. They're driving me insane." Then after he said those words, Zander broke out into song whilst in prison, sort of like Paul and Silas.

A re-appealing is scheduled for November 16, 2012. And in similar news, Radiohead has been arrested by the Karma Police.

This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.