UnBooks:Online Piracy And You
Written By Dr.Bear
Foreword or is it Forword or Fourword?
I wanted to write this book to teach the evils of online priacy. And who would know better than someone who has done it? By the time little Joe Peabody finishes this book he will A: Never Download things off the internet or B: Download things off the internet. I really don't care what you choose.
So You Found The Internet...
This story is about a child named Billy* And Billy is going home to his average normal american high school walking past his average normal american neighbors who are all average normal american crack smokers arriving at his average normal american apartments. Going up his average normal american stairs. Then walks three average normal american yards to his average normal american front door and, wow this is starting to get repetive. And lastly walking in his average normal american house. Glad I'm Done. Where he meets his average normal american Mother. (Gun Is Brought To Narrator's Head) BLAM! We'll Billy it seems your mother got a new computer, huh? Well i hope your ready to explore everything the internet has to offer. Free iPods, Candy, Love, Fair Play, Accurate Articles on Uncyclopedia. Well Billy I have news for you. ALL OF THAT IS A LIE! A BLOODY DAMN LIE! I'll Explain in the next chapter. *Name Changed To Protect The Innocent
THE INTERNET IS EVIL
The internet is evil i have authority to say so. I'm a doctor! But what will Joe* find on the internet? Free stuff? Best Friends? NO! a recent study shows that %47.4 of people who use the internet will be arrested for running a porn ring.**
*Names changed to protect the Innocent innocent.
**Poll Results Gather From Uncyclopedia.
Are We Getting Off Topic?
Whoops. Ok Piracy... Let's Start a new chapter.
History Of Piracy
Long ago, Mostly 500 years after Jesus had a facelift to look young for VH1's I Love The First Century! Pirates were people who realized that working for things were for people who knew how to work. But pirates didn't so they stole stuff. Mainly on the ocean. Never on land because you couldn't drown your best friend in the dirt. Many years later (1999) People started to realize that they couldn't afford a boat. Or lived in the middle of nowhere. But if its one thing the american market can afford is a Comp-uu-turd. Then after spending two years sending cds across the internets people tryied porn. But sadly Windows 2000 Lack the amount of memory. And The Fact that many people used porn as bait for their new viruses they were making, manily microsoft and apple to force people to buy new computers. Then the invention of ZIP files made porn more pocketable and also machine washable. Then the creation of BitTorrent help people share files. Even if they didn't understand how it worked. Today nearly every american has at least one pirated file on his/her computer.
Heck even I do.
Is My Son A
Zombie Online Pirate?
Pirates will exibit strange behavior. Such as a strong need to steal things. But reather than explain let's take a small quiz shall we?
Answer Yes Or No To All Questions.
Has Your Child Pillaged In The Last Week?
Has your child lost an eye on purpose just so he can wear an eye patch?
Has your child lost a leg on purpose just so he can wear a peg leg?
Has Your child lost a hand on purpose just so he can wear a hook?
Is his beard getting unslightly?
Is he using programs such as Kazza, Limewire, Bittorrent etc.?
Analysis: If you answered yes to more than 0 question then your son/daughter/husband/mailman/maid/alterego is indeed a pirate. The best way to handle this is to tell him to stop. If it fails quickly send a ninja to kill him/her.
For those people who want to know where to send those videos or eggings and where to send the money send it to the following adress
1337 W. Wistchire Ave.
Also read thise other informative books witch were also written by ME!
- (Coming Soon)
Published By Info B00KS