UnBooks:Dragons - A User's Guide

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The novel Dragons - A User's Guide is also available in paperback.

This useful, informative pamphlet will tell you what kind of dragons exist, where to find them, how to get away from them without a scratch, and how to raise your own dragon.

What is a dragon?[edit]

Dragons are effectively and most famously known as barbaric cold-blooded reptiles, but are they? Further investigation reveals that some dragons enjoy simple pleasures such as playing football (soccer to Americans), swimming, etc. Some dragons have been known to converse and live with humans; most dragons tend, however, to exclude themselves from human presence, which may be the reason we have only vague guesses as to what they look like.

What types of dragons exist?[edit]

Chromatic dragons[edit]

Chromatic dragons are generally evil.

Red dragons[edit]

Red dragon

Red dragons like nothing more than barbecued human on a stick and collecting hoards of treasure for themselves. Their favourite sport is playing dirty and winning by unfair methods. However, a red dragon is vain and easily flattered. It has wicked fire breath and generally lives in remote caves.

Blue dragons[edit]

Blue dragon

Blue dragons like playing with their food before eating it, such as half-drowning humans about five times before they eat them. Their favourite sport is swimming, and as such they are suited to water environments. A blue dragon is as changeable as the waves, so distract him and he will forget about you, although it may be hard when he has got you struggling for your life. Blue dragons have some control over the waves and water, but have no breath attacks.

Green dragons[edit]

Green dragon in forest

Green dragons are ambush predators; they follow their prey and wait until the time is right before they strike. Their favourite sport is follow-me. In a human guise, they get other humans to follow them into the forest where the green dragon is most powerful, then change back to their true form and ambush them. Green dragons have a nasty power to control the forests, so you can never escape a green dragon by running. The only known way to evade a green dragon is to win the follow-me game. If you do, the dragon will let you walk free, but nobody has been known to win.

White dragons[edit]

White dragons are scavengers who eat anything they can find. Their favourite sport is snowball fights. They set up huge events near the polar regions where they live, and they lure humans there, who die of the cold and are then eaten. They have wicked ice breath to freeze their prey to the core. Unfortunately, due to the conditions they live in, all a human needs to do to evade them is blend in with the white background.

Black dragons[edit]

Probably the most evil of all chromatic dragons, black dragons enjoy mass murder and wars, as they feast on all that stands in their path, alive or dead. They have a wicked poison breath because they live near swamps, and it is impossible to evade them. Your best bet would be not to go looking for one.


Queen of chromatic dragons, she has all the powers but none of the weaknesses of all the chromatic dragons. She is undefeated. She is the sister of Bahamut.

Metallic dragons[edit]

Metallic dragons are kind, good-natured and generally un-evil.

Bronze dragons[edit]

The weakest of all metallic dragons and real pranksters, they will help humans but far prefer scaring them or playing with them, making jokes and riddles for humans to solve. They live in caves near human settlements.

Brass dragons[edit]

The weaker of the metallic dragons, they are more friendly and will assist humans in day-to-day tasks, but are still quite the pranksters and as such love jokes and pranks. They live within human settlements, posing as humans.

Silver dragons[edit]

The stronger of the metallic dragons, they go on missions to thwart evil. They will not harm humans but can do so if those humans are evil. They live within human settlements, posing as humans.

Gold dragons[edit]

The strongest of all metallic dragons save for one, they go on self-appointed crusades against evil and will help humans where need be, however they will tend to decline requests for assistance saying that they have better evils to face than overgrown hedges. They live within human settlements, posing as humans.


The platinum dragon, king of all metallic dragons, he is the most powerful of all dragons and is undefeated, he is the brother of Tiamat.

How to raise a dragon[edit]

A dragon needs lots of care and attention, but most importantly, you have to pick the right dragon for you. If you are evil and want your dragon for world domination, a chromatic dragon will do; if you want to save the world, a metallic dragon would be preferable. Each dragon differs in how you need to raise it and as a result cannot be explained here.

External links[edit]