UnBooks:A story where bad things happen

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Saving on washing machine bills.


It was a cold winter morning, the sun's radiance obscured by the clouds. From the moment I awoke, I knew something bad was going to happen. I then looked at my alarm clock. I was late for work. I scrambled frantically for my shirt and tie, almost forgetting to take a bath. I was rushing, and for conveniency, I took a bath wearing my clothes. Though it was a dumb move, my mind was in a state of panic that prevents common sense. As I dashed out the door and into my car, I realized I couldn't go to work wet. "They'd think I went for a swim!" I thought, though looking back they more likely would had though I was fighting sharks. So, to dry my clothes, I cranked the heat up to the max. It was burning hot, not to mention it was almost summertime. But I didn't have time to waste fixing all my problems, that's what Church is for. So I slammed the gas, and sped on the highway to get to work. When I think about it, it was a bit too fast, considering I was only 10-20 minutes away from The Building. I got there in about 3 minutes, going 200.

Chapter 1: Work[edit]

As I entered through the front door, I suddenly felt a immense amount of melancholy come over me. I knew, from that moment, that something bad was going to happen. As I continued up the stairs to my department, I saw the thousand of jocks, geeks, and hot chicks that work at the Building. Though I've worked at The Building in the 4th Department for years, I've never actually realized the countless others that worked here. As I walked up the stairs, consumed in my thoughts, I bumped into Sergey. Sergey was an crazy Russian Intern from the Interns program working for the 3rd Department of Inc., Inc. When I bumped into him, I accidentally hit his uh, russian schnitzel, or whatever they eat in Russia. Unfortunately for me, Sergey is also gay. "Ohah!" Sergey moaned. I knew this was not good. "You sure you wanna do it here?" Sergey said with a smirk. "Huh?" I said dumbfounded. I was confused. That's when Sergey took off his shirt, underwear, pants and all other clothing. That's when I realized I should have just taken the elevator. I hurried up the stairs, with Sergey catching up to me, still naked. I only barely managed to out-run the Russian madman. I locked the door behind, just in case. I sighed a breath of relief. I was finally free. That's when I realized again I was late for work. I quietly tiptoed to my desk. That's when my boss came and gave me the bad news. "Your fired."

Chapter 2: Home, Shit Home[edit]

After I got fired, returned home. As I walked up to the front door, pulled out my key, and opened the door, I knew, without a doubt, that something bad was going to happen. My hypothesis was correct. Behind the door, was a beast of unimaginable horror. Behind the door, was a Grue. But not just any Grue, no, an EVIL GRUE. A grue more evil than a regular grue. i watched in horror as the evil grue stood up, and I horrifying watched as the Grue horrifyingly horrified me to my horror. It wasn't just any kind of horror, but it was beyond horror. In essence, I felt uber-horror. This uber-horror caused to do the unthinkable: smack the grue. Thinking back, I think that it was a rather idiotic choice, as the evil grue, agitated and annoyed, consumed me whole into a alternate Universe.

Chapter 3: Into the Gruniverse[edit]

As I descend to my perpetual demise, I knew that, for an indefinite amount of time, something bad was going to happen. Eventually, the perpetual hole met its perpetual end. I saw, uber-horrified, that I was in the Gruniverse. I don't know how I knew, if it was nature instinct, intitution, or because I saw that sign that said "Welcome to Grueville, capital of the Gruniverse". As I wandered around in Grueville, I saw Grues everywhere. Grue here, Grue there, Grue everywhere. I knew there was no escape from the Gruniverse. As I thought about my new life in Grueville, a portal conveniently materalizes from thin air and conveniently went to the Universe, not the Gruniverse.

Chapter 4: My current predicament.[edit]

As soon as I escaped the portal and managed to get back to my own universe, I knew something good was going to happen. Unfortunately, this premonition is never fulfilled. Upon my return at my flat, the Interdimensional Criminal Grue Police Organization, or INTERGRUE, knocked on my door. As soon as I opened, they handcuffed me and took me to Griker's. I'm currently serving a sentence for a indefinite amount of time for indefinite crimes. Some guy smuggled a phone into the prison, and that's how I'm writing this. So, please, I'm sending this message to all Uncyclopedians:

                                            SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!