Time Force Defense League

This image was drawn by an unsuspecting student in his last moments on earth, and was passed along before he was aprehended by the TFDL.

“Let's skewer some dinosaurs!”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Time Force Defense League

The Time Force Defense League (in England, Time Force Defence League, also abbreviated TFDL and D8MMFCHYZAI) is a global organization of schoolteachers and faculty who have been enlisted by a mysterious leader to travel back in time to fight dinosaurs during class periods.

Origins

Little is known about the history of the group. The earliest recorded mention was in a 1973 book titled 1001 Stupid (but true) Student Theories, published by two enteupenurial college students. The book claims that, "Our teachers are always trippin'. One sec, they're here, then they're gone for fifteen minutes, then they're back, often with what look like claw gashes across their faces, almost as if they're in some sort of 'Time Force Defense League' or something. Most people don't seem to notice but me and Jake [the book's co-author] started gettin' the heebie-jeebies."

The myth was met with little support. Needless to say, the book's co-authors, Jake Willis and Joburt Yanly, went missing two days later. Their bodies later turned up, grusomely split apart and distributed in Arby's Chili Cups. Police were befuddled. Some myths have come to pass about the group's beginnings, but the most prominent seems to be that, while giving an H-Bomb 'duck and cover' talk in the mid-1950s, a dinosaur popped thru a rift in space and time and ate three of the students. The teacher retaliated by fighting the dinosaur in hand-to-dinousaur-hand combat until the dinosaur was dead. (As a historical sidenote, duck and cover actually served the schoolchildren well in this situation, as otherwise, they would have been smooshed by the fat dinosaur.)

Oversight

An informative graph with accurate estimations of membership levels during the mid- and turn of the century, as produced by Dr. Andrew Weisman of the Doha Institute of Applied Phisiotechnology and Astrotheology. (Note: As a professor, we are led to believe that Dr. Weisman himself is a member of the TFDL. Just, FYI.)

The TFDL is believed to be overseen by a severed head that sits in a locker. There has only been one non-TFDL member sighting of this head; in 1991, Freddy Matherson happened to open a locker that was not his and find the head inside. It spat in his eyes, screamed, burped, screamed, hiccupped and cackled before Freddy shut the locker. Freddy managed to draw the thing with some markers before he was ushered into the 'School Nurse's Office'. Freddy was never heard from again. Police were flabbergasted.

The head is said to be named Boris, although this may be a mistranslation. This leader's name was mentioned in a note discovered in 1998 under a pile of cheese. The head was called 'ฉันหิว', which was translated as simply 'Boris' but which some linguists now believe says 'I am hungry'. This is understandable for a severed head with no stomach.

Membership

A TFDL membership card

It is estimated that 90% of all teachers in grades ranging from Preschool to Post-Graduate education are members of the Time Force Defense League. Teachers are first told about the program on the second day of school, right after they're told about their paycheck. For most, the prospect of fighting dinosaurs is less horrifying than the $10.50 an hour that they'll be working for.