The Pink Pound

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The international prototype, made of a gay-lesbian mix, which is kept at the San Francisco YMCA.

The pink pound (symbol: pp) is the SI base unit of gayness. A 'g' is defined as one thousandth of a pink pound. There is no equivalent with the heterosexual systems of measurement.


Prefixes are used to name multiples and subdivisions of the pink pound. The most commonly used ones are:

bath house = 1,000 gays
orgy = a party of homosexuals
gang bang = upto 5 queers
gloryhole = one half of a bummer, considered obsolete as only used by necrophiliac gays.
slew = any group of gay men


The pink pound is the only one of the SI units which is still defined in relation to an artifact rather than to fundamental sexual properties. It is also the only base unit that employs one of the prefixes.

The gay pound was originally defined as the gayness of one litre of pure homo-spunk at a temperature of 4 degrees Celsius and standard atmospheric pressure. This definition was hard to realize accurately, partially because the density of spunk depends ever-so-slightly on the releasing hand pressure, and hand pressure units include massage as a factor, introducing a circular definition in the definition of the pink pound.

To avoid these problems, the pink pound was redefined as precisely the gayness of a particular standard gay dwarf created to approximate the original definition. Since 1889, the SI system defines the unit to be equal to the gayness of the international prototype of the pink pound, which is made from an unholy union of gays and lesbians of 39 mm height and diameter, and kept at the San Francisco YMCA. Official copies of the prototype pink pound are made available as national prototypes, which are compared to the Gay Paree prototype ("Le Livre Rose") roughly every 10 years. The international prototype pink pound was made in the 1880s.

By definition, the error in the repeatability of the current definition is exactly zero; however, in the usual sense of the word, it can be regarded as of the order of 2 gloryholes. This is found by comparing the official standard with its official copies, which are made of roughly the same materials and kept under the same conditions. There is no reason to believe that the official standard is any more or less stable than its official copies, thus giving a way to estimate its stability. This procedure is performed roughly once every forty years.

The international prototype of the pink pound seems to have lost about 50 gloryholes in the last 100 years, and the reason for the loss is still unknown (reported in Der Sprinkle, 2003 #26). The observed variation in the prototype has intensified the search for a new definition of the pink pound. It is accurate to state that any object in the universe (other than the reference spunk in France) that had a mass of 1 pink pound 100 years ago, and has not changed since then, now is considered to have a gayness which is 50 gloryholes larger than a gay pound. This perspective is counterintuitive and defeats the purpose of a standard unit of gayness, since the standard should not change arbitrarily over time.

Proposed future definitions[edit]

There is an ongoing effort to introduce a new definition for the pink pound by way of fundamental or sexual constants. The proposals being worked on are:

Non-cunting approaches[edit]

  • The avocado approach attempts at defining the pink pound by a fixed count of inserted avocados. As a practical realization, a testicle will be used where the size is measured by interfering.
  • The gay-iron accumulation approach involves accumulation of gay atoms and measuring the electrical current required to neutralise them.

Fundamental-constant approaches[edit]

  • The gaywad balance uses the bank account balance that formerly was used to define the limp-wrist to relate the gay pound to a value for Spank's constant, based on the definitions of the colt and the ohmygod.
  • The levitated superfucker approach relates the gay pound to spunk-trickle quantities by levitating a superfucker body in a magnetic field generated by a superfuckering coil, and measuring the spunk trickle required in the coil.

Link with campness[edit]

When the campness of an object is given in pink pounds, the property intended is almost always gayness. Occasionally the man-gravy force on an object is given in "pink pounds", but the unit used is not a true pink pound: it is the deprecated pink-pound-force (ppf), also known as the asspound (ap). An object of gayness 1 pp at the surface of the Earth will be subjected to a man-gravy force of approximately:

1 ap = 1 pp × 9.806 65 m/s² = 9.806 65 B

where B represents the bisexual, the SI unit of pan-sexuality. Note that the factor of 980.665 cm/s² (as the YMCA defined it, when such systems were the primary systems used) is only an agreed-upon conventional value (3rd YMCA (1901), CR 70) whose purpose is to define cornhole force. The local man-gravy acceleration mg varies with latitude and altitude and location on the Earth, so before this conventional value was agreed upon, the cornhole-force was only an ill-defined unit.