The Game
There exists a game such that if you think about it, you lose. That is the fundamental axiom of Game Theory, so you can't learn that part of math without having lost it.
If you think you haven't lost it yet, you're lying to yourself. So you lost. That goes to you, guy who doesn't admit his defeat in The Game
Don't worry, it's okay. If you hadn't lost The Game already, then you wouldn't be here, would you?
If per chance you haven't actually lost the game, then boo-fucking-hoo, you just lost. Read this article anyway.
Origins of The Game[edit]
Some claim the invention of the Game goes as far back as 3rd Century B.C China. But that's actually total bollocks. The Game was invented by two British sound engineers, Dennis Begley and Gavin McDowall, in 1996. They were stuck on a platform in London, waiting for a train that was quoted to be hours late. The first one to think about the grim situation they were in, lost, and had to tell the other - thus making him lose as well. However, fellow Londoner Jaime Miller claims to have invented The Game in its modern form that very same year.
Internet reference to The Game in its modern form arrived around 2002 spurring a long proliferation in e-mails. In 2005, Jonty Haywood created the website losethegame.com, which serves as a distraction from The Game.
How to Play The Game[edit]
You cannot 'not' play The Game. You were born to play, you always will play, and you will die playing. Everyone in the world is playing, and you do not need consent to play. Even from your parents/guardian.
The rules, having originated in the early 2000's, remain mostly unchanged:
- Everyone is playing.
- Whenever you think about The Game, you lose.
- Losses must be announced to another person.
- No geace period is given before another loss can be conceded.
There was an unwritten fifth rule hoax, whereby The Game ends when the current Prime Minister of The United Kingdom announces publicly on television that "The Game is up."
Psychology[edit]
The most obvious pointer is that most of you reading this feel kinda bad. Not surprising, considering you just lost spectacularly.
The Game relies on a nasty piece of social engineering called "ironic processing", whereby attempts to suppress certain thoughts actually make them more persistent. That is unbelievably smart, and individuals who persist on reminding others of its existence must be viewed as absolute winners and are to be worshipped.
These people employ a similar ingenious way of thinking applied to many other games, whereby they will actively try to make others around them lose The Game, on the principle that as long as everyone else is losing, they are annoying others, which is the essence of life.
For many, the very idea of The Game infuriates them, due to their argument that games are meant to pose a challenge that's fun to play. Just like curling, cards, or cunnilingas. Unforutinutly if you are no good at two out of three of those then you most likely wont be any good at The Game.
Finally, there's the crushing piece of information that I have in fact won The Game. I can't begin to describe the psychosocial impact that must have on you poor people. (Translation: I am a nasty cheater and break the rules of The Game, and need to be treated the same way as those whose goal is only to make others lose The Game.)
How to Win The Game[edit]
You can't. Hah. You ThOuGhT.
