The Dust Bunny

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The dust bunny is fricken HUGE.

The Dust Bunny was a really really big bunny, born during the great dust depression of the 1960's. He was said to have been a fan of broccoli and as such, he was 10 feet tall and 4 feet wide with the curliest white hair you ever did see. The Dust Bunny's reign of terror sparked what was to be a 'revolution' in house hold cleaning and Vietnamese permanent markers. Many believe that he also allowed the UN to rise in power and that his demise set the stage for the eventual Vietnam war.


The origins of the really big Dust Bunny are unknown. He was discovered in the early 1960's as a not-so-big Dust Bunny by a poor broccoli farmer and his wife feasting on termites in a Barn in Romania. The farmer fed the bunny carrots, not aware that feeding carrots to dust bunnies results in a severe case of ADHD, until one day the bunny went crazy at the farmer for cleaning his room. He then proceeded to trash the barn and make all the farmer's crops dusty and unfit for sales. With vacuum cleaners so expensive, the farmer could do nothing but watch in despair as the dust continued to settle upon his farm, hoping and praying for rain.

Meanwhile, the dust bunny had turned rabid and slightly racist, and was out to destroy the cleanliness of the entire world, in particular Asia (dust bunnies do not like Asia). He created international dust storms of monolithic proportions due to the fact that the bunny was so fricken huge. Seriously, the bunny was massive. Some say that the bunny had a secret ambition to create the 'perfect' race of slobs who wouldn't clean.

The dust bunny is gigantic! Seriously, if you could draw a line from here to Planet X and back, stretched it up against the Bunny and then climbed it, you would land on its foot. Lucky for the bunny, it has the power to compact its self to a mere 10 ft tall.

The Househusband Revolt[edit]

Househusbands were dismayed at the state of the world. There was dust in places there simply shouldn't be dust. The international society of Househusbands (ISOH) then held a televised and heavily advertised secret convention in underground Sweden. It was decided that they should revolt the rule that the bunny had upon the world and market their own brand of feather dusters. This attempt failed miserably when the ISOH realised that they had no feathers.

A World In Crisis[edit]

Across the globe there was confusion. Africa became self-sufficient and was recognised as a first world continent; In America, all fast food outlets were closed down due to lack of business; In the middle east there was peace; Ants became extinct; The Really Big Tree shrunk; Guns were de-legalised internationally and Asians stopped consuming rodents. No one knew what was happening or where they were anymore. Anarchy took hold as the Dust bunny ruled from its private vietnamese cave and people started having wild sex in public.

The UN Steps Up[edit]

Upon hearing the failed attempt of the ISOH and reading about the suspicious dealings of the American midget population, the UN decided that they should perhaps do something about the dust bunny and his reign of uncleanliness. With Permanent markers in hand, the UN's group of elite line-drawers marched to Vietnam and drew a line across the 17th parallel and told the bunny that he was to remain banished to North Vietnam for all eternity. This angered the dust bunny greatly when he realised there was no escaping. He was even slightly concerned for a brief minute, after which he realised that the official UN line-drawers had used the white-board markers rather than permanent markers. So the bunny was free to rule yet again.

The Micro-Fibre Cloth[edit]

As the smiles of the faces of the people who purchased vacuum cleaner and anti-dust sock stocks got bigger, a revolution was taking place. Deep in the Austrian alps there was a factory. Not just any factory mind you, a factory that saved the world. This factory created the micro fibre cloth. Upon its release in the mid 1960's, the dust bunny quivered in fear. It knew it's time was up. The ISOH gathered around the North-Vietnamese cave of the bunny, micro fibre cloths in hand and coaxed it out with the promise of broccoli and Asian midgets. It is believed that as he emerged, the ISOH jumped on him and with a final whip-crack of his short, but whippy tail, the Bunny was done.


It is now thought that the dust bunny was created by the Hoover vacuum cleaner company and the Austrian micro-fibre cloth company to boost sales. This is not the generally accepted theory of his origins, however it is feasible considering the cleaning revolution that followed his death.

Another theory is that the UN created him to install fear into the world so as to gain power. This might have even worked had Johnny the Obsessive Tree Hugger, the #1 official line-drawer, remembered which container had permanent and which container had the white board markers in it.

The North Vietnamese believe that it was the workings of the South Vietnamese as a political tool to separate themselves from the government at the time, knowing how the UN and America would react to the bunny living in North Vietnam. This didn't quite work either, as the line was only temporary and they had to rely on further UN action to redraw the line and a cry for help to the world to save them from the government.

See also[edit]